This Is My Afterlife? You've Got To Be Joking
by Oblivion's Tragedy
Summary: I always thought dying would either be nothing but eternal darkness or a pretty bright light with pearly gates waiting for me. Never did I expect to wake up in hairy little people land where Elves don't work for Santa and Dwarves aren't named Doc and Dopey. Oh, and you want to know the best part? I'm now a Dwarf too; sausage fingers and beer belly included. FML. ThorinOC
1. Chapter 1

You know when you're stuck in a nightmare and you feel like there's no escape? Like not even pinching yourself with a pair of needle point pliers a thousand times could wake you up and you're terrified out of your mind? So terrified that you're anxiety just sky rockets and you feel like your heart's about to spontaneously combust?

Yeah. That's exactly how I was feeling the day I showed up in a fictional world.

Everything was all fine and dandy beforehand; I cheated on my diet with a candy apple, I scored a 95% on my midterm and I was going to go home and nap for a good, I dunno, say thirteen hours or so, but _no_; everything had to be ruined by one drunk idiot, or so I assume, who had to fucking flatten me like a pancake. I was walking for once to actually get in some much needed exercise and was crossing the street when it all went down.

They say your life flashes before your eyes and then you see a bright light and _poof_, you're gone. That shit didn't happen to me. One second I'm happily skipping across the pedestrian walk with my sugary snack and the next there's a screeching of tires and a blinding pain and crunching noises. From there on it was dark. And I mean like can't-see-your-hand-in-front-of-your-face dark, like I think I'm in a deep dark cellar in some dude's basement dark. It was the most horrifying moment of my life, or well, afterlife I guess.

And then I blinked and suddenly I'm lying in the middle of a little forest. The sun was out and shining through the trees and lighting up the little specs of dust and dirt you can always spot floating around, birds were chirping, squirrels were getting it on like Donkey Kong in the bushes and the grass was crunching under my body like you were stepping on autumn leaves. The image would have been beautiful if it wasn't for my utter confusion. I had lied there completely confused for probably an hour, just staring at everything my eyes could see without actually having to move. I even blinked a few times hoping the image would change, but it never did.

Then I started to panic; my heart rate sped up and my breathing became so laboured I was panting like a dog in summer. So I did what any other rational girl in my position would do.

I screamed.

I screamed until my lungs hurt and my voice grew hoarse and that was followed by bawling like a baby.

There was no way I was in my little ho dunk town anymore. We had no forests around for miles and there was no way I would have made it to one after getting crushed by a Ford F150 on a hunk of concrete. So I lied there and cried, still not moving, until I had no more tears to shed. Then I just stared again for the next while.

Eventually I decided to get my lazy depressing ass up and try and figure out what I was going to do and that's when I realized something very _very_ disturbing.

I… was short. Like, max five feet tall when before I was probably close to five foot eight inches. And that wasn't even the worst part. Oh, no.

I was also nude.

As if my day couldn't get any worse right? First I die and then I shrink by almost a foot and am nude in a goddamn forest in the middle of nowhere. This was probably karma for eating that candy apple, though I think the powers that be went a little overboard.

So now I had to figure out some way to get clothing and where the hell I was. If I had to Tarzan this bitch, I guess that's what it would have to take, right?

Fortunately I didn't have to wait for very long. The next thing I knew I could hear humming somewhere not very far away and it sounded feminine. As embarrassing as it would be I knew this was my only chance to possibly get some answers and maybe a pair of undies or something.

Following the noise, it didn't take me long to find an elderly lady strolling around a clearing picking flowers and humming a tune I'd never heard before. What threw me off mostly though was that she was also very short, shorter than me even and wore a dress that made her seem like she had stepped out of some old nursery rhyme like old Mother Hubbard. Her short white hair was curly and I was thrown off briefly by the prominent point of her ears, but that was nothing compared to her _ginormously_ large hairy feet that were just caked in mud like nobody's business. I even had to look down at my own feet and reach up to touch my ears to try and figure out if I was like her, scared that I had mutated more than I already had, but thankfully I found I was normal. Aside from my sudden lack of height that is. And I think my stomach was rounder than I remembered too…

But enough of that. The sweet looking old lady was still oblivious to my creeping from the bushes and I figured it was time to rectify that. Not that I was going to jump out and yell 'surprise!' or anything, no; I just wanted to call her over to simply ask for some help.

Thankfully when I stood at my full height the bush covered everything of me except for my head so I was able to raise my hand and wave while calling out to her.

"Um, excuse me? Ma'am?" I tried just loud enough to hopefully have her hear me, but I was so surprised at my own voice and how deep it had become that I almost didn't notice her startle and spin around from the other side of the clearing. Dude… I almost sounded, well, dude-ish.

"Yes? Who's there?" she called back. I could just see her eyes squinting in my direction.

"Um… Uh…" I stumbled. _I'm dead; my old name shouldn't matter anymore. Quick! Think of something! She's staring!_ "Um… Pop… ple… tof…?" My voice trailed off at the end and I felt like smacking myself in my stupidity. Poppletof? Really? That sounded more like gibberish a seven-year-old would rattle off! But what was done was done; she had heard me and it was obvious by the curious look on her face. My real name was actually Penelope, which was close to my new name I guess, but the important thing was that I could probably still use my nickname so I didn't get confused.

"Poppletof? That is an interesting name," the old woman said as she began making her way in my direction. Instinctively I coward further behind my bush. "From where do you hail, child?"

From where do I hail? Jesus, I must have some weird medieval afterlife shit going on. I could see her watching me from a few safe feet away and thought fast. This obviously wasn't my country or even my own world; the lady had pointy ears and big foot feet for fucks sake! So, when in doubt, play dumbass. "Er, I, uh, don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Nope. Amnesia," I blurted.

The woman gasped and a hand fluttered to her chest as a look of pity overcame her wrinkled features. "You poor dear," she mumbled almost to herself. "Goodness, you must be dreadfully terrified."

"Uh, yeah, actually I am," I admitted with a small shrug and watched as the woman came a few steps closer. "I don't know where I am, I don't know where I came from. It's… horrific."

Smooth.

"You poor thing," she tsked. "Well, you may be pleased to know you are in the Shire, Hobbiton to be exact."

My eyes almost fell out of their sockets at the mention of the place. I was in Hobbiton? Weren't Hobbits those little people from those Lord of the Rings movies? I glanced at the woman's feet again and it clicked in my mind that I had somehow been sent into that world. I swear I would have fainted if old mother Hubbard hadn't have kept talking.

"Come now, dearie, how about I find you something to eat?"

It was a sweet offer, my stomach even let off a rumble of agreement, but there was still the small matter of my nudity that had to be considered.

"That's very nice of you," I began nervously. "But I have a small problem. I, um, don't have any clothes…"

"Don't have any-!" She cut herself off with a gasp of shock and my cheeks immediately reddened in embarrassment.

"Yeah, I kind of woke up in the forest back that way," I said while pointing a thumb over my shoulder back to the way I came. "And I didn't have any clothes on."

"Oh, you poor thing!" she cried and promptly discarded her basket of flowers onto the ground before reaching up and undoing the clasp of her cape thing from around her neck and offering it to me. "Here, this shall do before we get to my hole."

I was kind of confused at what she meant by 'hole' because it was absurd for someone to actually live in a real hole, but I disregarded it and accepted the cape with a grateful nod. Considering she was much smaller than me I was pretty surprised that the knitted object of clothing fit well enough around me to cover my goodies and moved around the bush to her side. She bent over to pick up her basket again then wrapped her free arm around my shoulders, which was quite difficult for her I might add, before she began leading me away from the clearing.

"Thank you again, ma'am," I mumbled still in embarrassment, but the woman merely waved her wrinkled hand in a dismissive manner.

"Nonsense! I don't have the heart to leave a poor soul such as yourself out here in the forest. And you may call me Hyacinthe, dear girl," the old woman replied as we continued to shuffle along. I mouthed the name curiously and furrowed my brow in confusion hoping I'd be able to remember it.

"Oh, than I guess you can call me Poppy," I told her after a short pause.

The old woman tutted while shaking her head as we skirted around a large tree. "I tell you, you appearing gave me a shock for sure. Strange for a Dwarf to be showing up in these parts, naked no less! And with no memory!" Hyacinthe made a sound that resembled something like a grumble. I wasn't too sure what it was really because I was suddenly distracted by what she said.

"Dwarf?!" I cried and almost stumbled over a tree root. Hyacinthe's arm around my shoulders steadied me.

"Goodness! You must have gotten one nasty bump on the noggin if you don't even remember what you are, dearie," she exclaimed. Yeah, one hell of a bump. Try three tons plus of pressure worth.

"Um, yeah, I guess so."

"Ah, here we are."

I looked up from the grass I was staring at beforehand only to find a small hill that was surrounded by a beautiful garden full of vegetables and an assortment of flowers and enclosed by a short withered fence. In the center of the hill was a large round doorway that was painted a faded yellow with a handle smack dab in the middle of it and just to the left of the little home was a small sheltered stall where one lonely pony stood munching happily away at some alfalfa. On either side of the door were a few small half-moon windows with little gardens of their own. This was where Hyacinthe led me; through the rickety gate and along the short stone path to the door where she pushed it open and then myself after. I couldn't even get a word in until she had successfully pushed me into a small room just off to the right of the front entrance. I didn't even get a good look at what anything else looked like.

"Stay here a moment. I'll return shortly with a dress for you. I might have something that might fit," she said before she pulled the door shut and I was left to stare around the room with the cape –I guess I should call it a cloak, huh? –still wrapped around my shoulders. The room was small, complete with just a bed, nightstand and vanity. At the far end just opposite the door was another tiny little window overlooking a sloping hill that showed more little round doors much the same as Hyacinthe's.

The old woman –er, Hobbit –returned hardly five minutes later with a bundle of clothing in her arms and her cheeks were red from the exhaustion of our walk and probably from searching for said clothing. "Here you are, dearie," she said while laying the dress out on the bed. "Might be a tad short I'm afraid, but don't worry, I'm sure it will fit you just fine otherwise."

"Thank you," I said quietly, still a little shocked that this woman was showing me such kindness when she hardly knew me from a hole in the ground.

Haha, wow, that was a terrible pun.

"It's quite alright," she waved it off again then pointed to the dress. "Now you get dressed and I'll fix you something to eat." With that she left the room and shuffled off somewhere else.

Turning to the bed I gave a sigh while dropping the cloak to the floor and picked up the dress. I glanced between it and myself a few times before shrugging and pulling it over my head with only a bit of difficulty. I wasn't used to wearing dresses since I preferred pants and a t-shirt any day, but if the old lady was nice enough to let me wear it there was no way I was going to walk around nude.

When I had finally got the damn thing on I noticed that Hyacinthe had been right in thinking it would be too short; the skirt only reached to my mid-calf. Other than that it wasn't half bad, but I went over to the mirror on the vanity anyway to have a look at myself.

What I saw would have made me spit my drink out of my nose had I actually been drinking something. My hair had grown probably a good foot longer and I had no idea how I didn't notice it before. Also it was wilder than I remembered, but that might have been because I was trudging through bushes and crying like a baby in the middle of a forest. And as I had suspected my belly had gotten a little rounder, which made me pout, my ears that peaked just slightly from my hair were rounder and stuck out like the little redheaded kid I used to go to school with and my hands now had stubby little fingers that reminded me of sausages. Other than that I looked pretty much the same; I had the same light blue eyes I've always had, the same color of reddish brown hair as before and the same nose and lip shape. My face was even the same heart shape it had always been although a little pudgier. But I still might has well have been looking at a stranger and not my own reflection.

At that moment I heard a knock on the door followed by an, "are you decent, dear?"

"Um, yeah, I'm good," I called back and the door opened to allow Hyacinthe inside and I watched as her eyes scanned me from the entrance.

"Oh, fantastic, it fits you. Well, come along then, I've got some cakes and cheeses set out for you. Don't be shy now." She waved her hand for me to follow her and follow I did mainly because my stomach was rumbling something awful and I was afraid she would hear it.

The kitchen was small and quaint and was joined with the dining room which had an open pantry stocked full with food at the opposite entrance from the hallway. Already there were a few plates set out on the table in front of a single wooden chair and they were literally piled to the point of overflowing. One had biscuit looking squares and the other had a wheel of cheese and in front of both was an empty plate set between a fork and a knife. Hyacinthe led me over to the chair and sat me down by pushing down on my shoulders and patted them gently.

"Here we are. Have as much as you like, dear," she told me and I blinked in surprise as I looked up at her.

"Are you sure?" I asked uncertainly.

"Of course! I can't have a poor girl such as yourself go hungry. Eat up, child, or you'll waste away," she exclaimed while fluttering her hands in a way that had me leaning back to avoid getting smacked in the face. This lady obviously had some screws loose because no one back where I came from was _this_ nice.

But I had the 'ok' to eat so I stuffed my face. Honestly, I don't think I've ever eaten so much in one sitting in my entire life. It was a little unnerving that Hyacinthe just stood there and watched with a smile on her face, but I didn't care so much as my belly continued to be filled. I only slowed down a bit when she started to talk again.

"I've never met a Dwarf before," she commended idly while moving around to the other side of the table and clasped her hands in front of herself. I was munching on a bit of cheese, my cheeks puffing a little, as I looked up at her. _You and me both, Lady_, I thought dryly as she continued. "I was under the impression they were all male though, if you don't mind me saying." I looked down at myself again and even though I was now clothed you could still tell I was female. "Which, of course, is ridiculous." She laughed then. "How are you supposed to procreate if there are no women?"

I almost choked on the biscuit I had just shoved into my already stuffed mouth. Procreation? Jesus, were female Dwarves that rare? Yikes.

"Do you remember anything from before? Aside from your name?" she suddenly asked. I blinked again and debated swallowing my mouthful to say something, but what was I supposed to say? I didn't know anything about Lord of the Rings land so there was no way I could possibly pull some sort of lie out of my ass. So instead I just shook my head slowly and completed my pathetic act by lowering my gaze to the table in sadness. "Goodness, that is sad," I heard her sigh and I nodded. "Well, hopefully it will return to you someday. For the time being you may stay with me if you wish."

I looked up at her in amazement yet again. This old lady must be a saint of some kind. I know if I was in her position, amnesia or not, there was no way I'd let a stranger stay in my house for an indefinite amount of time and eat my food. I felt I had to say something, express my gratitude in some way. Swallowing the food in my mouth I gave her a grateful smile.

"Thank you. Again. You're really too kind," I said earnestly and she waved her hand.

"This little old hole has been so lonely for a long while, it will be nice to have some company for a change," she replied nonchalantly.

Nodding, the old woman and I then sat quietly for a while as I finished my meal then she led me back to the room I had changed in and told me that I could stay there for as long as I needed. In exchange for her taking me in I offered to do chores and all other kinds of stuff she needed to do like it was rent or something and she accepted that readily. I didn't blame her; the poor woman was hunched over and walked as fast as a turtle. Of course she'd have to show me how to do things before I could do them on my own which was alright by me.

But one thing was for sure; I knew I couldn't stay with Hyacinthe forever as much as that would have been peachy to me. I was a Dwarf –apparently –in a Hobbit world and apparently that's like hoodoo voodoo or something and besides, if I really was in the place Lord of the Rings took place in I had no doubt that I'd probably have to insert myself into the story somehow. Which means I might die in the very near future. But I'm already dead, so why not have fun with this crap while I'm here right?

Some say you can only live once, but I think I just figured out that after you kick the bucket, they send you to places just for the hell of it. Places you have no idea how to interact with the locals. Places where you have a high chance of dying again. Places where you could find adventures and wonder in a way you could never dream of.


	2. Chapter 2

I stayed with Hyacinthe for probably close to a month and in that time I learned so much that I thought my head was going to explode. She taught me how to take care of the pony, who I had nicknamed Sir Hoover as his real name was something I couldn't pronounce, and she showed me how to tend to the garden properly –my mother's way of doing things were _totally_ wrong apparently –and she showed me around Hobbiton so that I wouldn't get lost, which I had told her would probably happen. She had joked that if a Dwarf could somehow lose her way and end up among Hobbits then that wasn't hard to believe. She showed me around the market and the small valley that they held parties and we even strolled around under The Hill and over The Hill which were names of areas on the slope that I had seen outside my window. Over The Hill was considered to be, in my opinion, the Beverly Hills of Hobbiton; all the 'rich folk' lived up that way and everyone else was under The Hill. There was also a river on the other side of The Hill called The Water that lead to a huge farmland, but Hyacinth never bothered to take me past there.

"Nothing but adventurers and hooligans across The Water," Hyacinthe tutted to me when I had asked her about it. "Us respectable folk stay here on The Hill where we belong. Nothing is ever unexpected, over here. Aside from you of course, my dear."

Obviously these peoples' imaginations were lacking. My dog, Febus, could come up with better names.

… And yes, my dog's name was Febus. He was a golden retriever.

Anywho…

It took me a while, let's say a week, to get used to finding my way around. I had never really realized how dependent on my phone I was until I figured out that I would never use GPS or fruit ninja again. Hell, I couldn't even look at the damn thing, since it didn't cross worlds with me, which was probably a good thing because if I stared at it waiting for a text message then I'm sure I would have gone completely bonkers by now. And if it hadn't been for the shoes Hyacinth had the leather making dude make for me or the pants and tunic I had helped Cinthia sew up, I'm pretty sure I would have lost it after a day.

Oh, and going back to the over The Hill thing, Hyacinthe told me about the other Hobbits that lived in the area. She was a gossiper, that Hyacinthe.

We would take walks up there every few days and she would tell me little snippets about each of the Hobbits we passed and said hello to, but there was one Hobbit that she never had anything bad to say about. A Bilbo Baggins who lived at one of the very top holes. His name had struck a feeling of resemblance in me and I knew he was someone important to the whole shindig thing I had been dumped into and had paid close attention when Cinthia –as I had started calling her –talked about him. If I hadn't have known any better I would say the old woman had a crush on him.

But every time we passed his Hobbit hole there he was sitting peacefully on his bench and having a smoke from his pipe, surrounded by his beautiful gardens with a smile on his face. I couldn't deny that he was actually kind of cute in a way –with his blond curly hair and slightly upturned nose –but he seemed too skittish to me. Every time Cinthia got a little too talkative he would laugh and nod and shuffle around on his huge ass feet as if he wasn't even paying attention. Oh, but the worst was when she always brought me into the conversation and talked about me like I was her own daughter. I think I even got the impression at some point that she was trying to hook me up with him…

And I think Bilbo noticed it too because as I was brought into the conversation it immediately got awkward and he would look away nervously. At first he had been excited to meet me since I was a Dwarf, but once I told him I had no memory he had turned to just friendly and polite, which was totally fine with me. I didn't need anyone prying into my non-existent Dwarfy past; it was hard enough not be a modern 21st century girl in a medieval style world anyways.

It was one morning that I needed to go for a walk, but Cinthia had decided to sleep a little while longer –her joints were aching a little, she said. Without my phone or a TV or computer or even studying to do I figured a nice walk would do me good. So I took our normal route around the paths that served as roads along The Hill saying hello to other Hobbits who I had spoken to with Cinthia before, but hardly received the friendly greeting back. A lot of the Hobbits thought it odd that a Dwarf had suddenly appeared and others considered it an abomination. I swear the Gamgees had something against me though because every time I passed by their hole there always seemed to be some sort of stick or gardening tool out to trip me.

By the time I reached Bilbo's hole I found he already had a visitor. He was a tall old guy in a grey cloak with a matching pointy hat and long scraggly beard. In his hand he held a twisted brown stick that was just as tall as him and he used it to lean on. That came as no surprise because it looked like the guy was about to keel over any minute as he spoke to Bilbo. Without having to see the Lord of the Rings movies I recognized this guy right off the hop; that was Ganandorf or, um, Glander or something except I think in later movies he was in white which meant he probably gets anointed or something later on.

As I came closer I could just hear the tail end of what G-dog was saying. Something about mornings. Whatever, it was making Bilbo all confused and flustered, which wasn't really a hard thing to do in itself.

Bilbo's pipe was hanging out of his mouth as he stared at the taller man with utter confusion. I stopped a few yards away from the two in order not to interrupt, but close enough to listen as the Hobbit finally removed the pipe from his mouth. "All of them at once, I suppose," he replied unsurely.

G-dog made a small humming noise and just stared at Bilbo. As I was to his side I couldn't really see the look on his face, but I saw Bilbo shift awkwardly under his gaze. "Can I help you?" he asked after a moment.

"That remains to be seen," G-dog said slowly, still staring at the Hobbit. "I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure."

Bilbo's pipe, which he had placed back in his mouth, was pulled out again. "An adventure?" he repeated slowly, his words stumbling for a moment as he shook his head with a frown. "No, I don't imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventures." I then made the mistake of shuffling slightly causing the gravel beneath my feet to crunch loudly and drew the attention of the two conversing men. I gave a sheepish smile and waved as Bilbo used his pipe to point at me. "Aside from Poppy here perhaps." He then stood to move over to his mailbox, bringing G-dog's attention back to him. "Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. Make you late for dinner." He chuckled then.

Since I was already caught I figured I might as well join the two even as I raised an eyebrow at Bilbo shuffling through his mail and humming at each letter he saw which was obviously an excuse to avoid the wizard. His eyes flickered up to both me and the grey guy every few seconds and then once he realized that neither of us were going anywhere he tested his pipe, which he had shoved back into his mouth, then began moving back towards his door. "Good morning."

G-dog looked down at me with a raised eyebrow that I returned with a shrug before he huffed and turned back to Bilbo while placing his free hand on his hip. He actually looked quite sassy from that action. "To think that I should have lived to be 'good morninged' by Belladonna Took's son as if I were selling buttons at the door," he spat, clearly offended by Bilbo brushing him off in the way that he was. Bilbo, at the taller man's words, stopped half way up his steps to stare at him in surprise.

"Beg your pardon?" he asked slowly.

"You've changed, and not entirely for the better, Bilbo Baggins," the Wizard told him disappointedly with a frown.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Bilbo asked.

I felt a little awkward just standing there watching all this happen, but what other choice did I have? Sure, I could have left and let them alone because it wasn't really my business at all to be there, but I felt this was significant somehow. This Wizard guy and the Hobbit dude were important, I could feel it.

"Well, you know my name, although you don't remember I belong to it. I'm Gandalf," he said and I almost threw my hands up and cheered at finally knowing what his name was. Though I really did like calling him G-dog. Thankfully before I had urge to do a happy dance I got cut off as Gandalf continued. "And Gandalf means…" He seemed at a loss for words. "Me."

"Gandalf?" Bilbo asked quietly to himself, drawing my attention back to him. "Not Gandalf the wandering wizard who made such _excellent_ fireworks?" Gandalf gave a little modest nod and a small laugh as Bilbo went on excitedly. "Old Took used to have them on Midsummer's Eve!" He gave a small laugh and then seemed to regain his composure as he cleared his throat and bit on his pipe again. "No idea he was still in business."

Gandalf seemed offended once again. "And where else should I be?" Bilbo mumbled something I couldn't quite understand then cleared his throat again and sucked on his pipe to probably stop himself from saying something. Gandalf eyed him for a moment. "Well, I'm pleased to find you remember something about me… Even if it's only my fireworks."

I raised an eyebrow at him. I don't know about him, but goody little two shoes Bilbo remembering anything remotely awesome like fireworks sounded like a good thing to me, but the old guy seemed disappointed. "Yes," he suddenly continued. "Well, then it's decided." He then switched his staff thingy to his other hand and pointed at the Hobbit. "It will be very good for you… and most amusing for me." The second part sounded more like he was talking to himself. "I shall inform the others."

The old man was about to turn to me and say something when Bilbo cut him off hastily. "Inform the who? What? No. No. No-wait," he stuttered then ran up closer to his round little door. "We do not want _any_ adventures _here_, thank you. Not today. Not-um… I suggest you try Over the Hill or Across the Water." He fumbled and stuttered a few more times while he waved his pipe around and Gandalf just watched him with interest. "Good morning." With that he ran back into his hole and shut the door. A moment later the distinct sound of a lock moving into place was heard.

Gandalf and I just stood there for a few seconds staring at the door until he glanced at me and I looked back up at him, having to crane my neck to do so. "Not a very open minded guy, huh?" I quipped to which Gandalf just huffed slightly and proceeded to push past Bilbo's gate and climb the tiny steps to the green door. "What are you doing?" He didn't answer me as he moved the bottom of his staff closer to the door, but what he was doing with it I couldn't see because his body was blocking my view. After he was done, he looked inside one of the windows and I was able to see a blue mark fade to nothing on the door. Before I could comment on it though Gandalf was retreating from Bilbo's hole humming a tune and exiting through the gate to stand at my side.

"Would you care to join me for a walk, my dear?" he asked me with a smile as if what had just occurred never happened. I blinked and glanced back at Bilbo's hole to see him peering out one of his windows at us and shrugged. Turning with the Wizard I jogged lightly to catch up to his side as he continued to hum.

"Poppy, was it?" he asked after another bout of silence and I nodded.

"Yep."

"From where do you hail? You are quite obviously not a Hobbit," he said with a small chuckle.

"No, I think I'm a Dwarf," I replied without even thinking.

"You think?" Gandalf questioned and suddenly stopped, causing me to halt my steps too and look up at his confused gaze.

"Yeah, um…" I paused, not sure what to say. "A Hobbit named Hyacinthe found me in the woods over there," here I pointed to the trees outlining the edge of the village, "about a month ago. I don't remember anything."

"Anything, you say?" he mumbled interestedly and I shook my head.

"Nothing except for my name. It's Poppletof, by the way, if you were wondering."

Gandalf hummed again as his eyes roamed over me and I had to stop myself from shuffling uncomfortably. I felt like he was staring right through me. "Interesting," he finally mumbled as we continued walking down the small road. "I assume then, that you know not how you came to be in Hobbiton, yes?" I shook my head. "Hm…"

He was staring off into the distance or something, probably thinking and I was busy looking around at the other Hobbits we passed who were giving both me and Gandalf strange looks. Oh, great. Next thing I know the Gamgees will be laying out rakes for me to step on and smack me in the face.

"I also assume," Gandalf suddenly continued, catching my attention again, "that with no memory of where you came from, you have no planned destination, is that correct?"

"Yup, sounds about right," I agreed with a nod. Turning a corner on the path I was able to see Cinthia's hole on the edge of the treeline. "I'm holing up with Hyacinthe until I figure something out."

"I see," Gandalf mumbled interestedly then turned to me with a bright smile that was only partially hidden by his beard. "How would you like to come on an adventure?"

I blinked as we stopped only a few yards from Hyacinthe's hole where I could already hear her shuffling around the kitchen. "What about Bilbo?" I asked.

"Worry not about him, dear girl," he said while shaking his head slightly. "He will come around eventually, I suspect."

"Ok…" I eyed him carefully then gave a shrug. "Sure, why not?"

"Excellent," the Wizard exclaimed with a laugh. "Return to Bilbo's hole this evening and everything will be explained. Now, I must be off to inform the others. I look forward to seeing you this evening, Miss Poppy."

With that he turned after giving a small bow and left down the road with a tune on his lips. I raised my eyebrow at his retreating back then shrugged and entered Cinthia's hole to inform her that I'd probably be leaving. If I knew anything from my friend Kate about Lord of the Rings –who was a _huge_ fanatic about it –it was that their adventures started pretty quick. I didn't doubt that I'd be leaving Hobbiton either tonight or early tomorrow. That meant I had to say goodbye to the nice old lady that opened her hole to me.

Awe man, that sounded _so_ dirty.

When I entered Cinthia was busy in the kitchen as I had thought she was; pulling out pots and pans and already having an abundance of food set out that had my mouth watering. I was used to eating as much as my little heart desired back where I came from, my world or whatever, but it almost seemed like as soon as I became a Dwarf I was_ constantly_ hungry and it didn't help that Cinthia always had a crap load of food for the both of us and Sir Hoover. It was no wonder I always felt bloated.

It took hardly a second for Cinthia to notice me and immediately she ushered me to the table to eat. I didn't complain, but I was a little nervous about telling her I would be leaving soon. I couldn't even get a word in before she was talking. "How was your walk, dear?" she asked excitedly as she brushed her hands on her little white apron.

"It was good," I nodded as I began piling my plate with bacon, sausage and toast. "Almost tripped over the Gamgees' ho again. Oh, and I ran into Bilbo."

"Oh, did you?" she said cheerily and I swear I could hear the excited mischievous grin she probably wore even though I couldn't see it as her back was turned to me. "And how is our dear Mr. Baggins today?"

"Alright, I guess," I almost laughed at the memory of this morning and the meeting with the wizard. "Some guy named Gandalf was there to see him, but I don't think Bilbo knew who he was." I took a large bite of my bacon and chewed at the greasiness of it happily.

"Gandalf?" Cinthia questioned as she turned to face me and placed a platter or freshly baked biscuits on the table. "Never heard of him. Is he a Hobbit from across The Water?"

I swallowed my bacon before answering. "Well, he's probably from across The Water, but he's definitely not a Hobbit. He's a Wizard," I replied and Cinthia gave me a startled look.

"A Wizard? Oh my, these are strange days. First a Dwarf and now a Wizard. Next we'll have Elves and Men in our midst," she laughed as she sat down on her own wooden chair that we had pulled from one of the other rooms across from me and began to fill her own plate.

"Yeah," I mumbled, suddenly remembering that I had something to tell her. Sighing, I put the other half of my bacon that I hadn't eaten yet back on my plate and folded my hands in my lap. "Hey, uh, Cinthia?"

"Yes, dear?" she asked.

"Speaking of the Wizard, um… He asked me to go with him. Out of Hobbiton. On a, uh, adventure," I told her unsurely and looked through my messy hair at her when she suddenly stopped cutting some cheese off of a wheel and looked at me.

"Oh," was all she said.

"Yeah, and I said yes," I continued then bit my lip. I didn't think it would be so hard to tell her. Man, I felt like an ass.

"Well," she sighed. "I suppose if that is what your heart is telling you, then I have no right to object. Hobbits are not meant for traveling and adventures, but Dwarves are. I knew you'd be off and back on the road eventually." Her small withered hand stretched across the table and opened to me as a gesture to take it and I did. Gripping my hand gently in such a motherly way I had a hard time containing my smile as she gave me a bright grin. "I'm happy for you, dear, and I will help you in any way I can."

I blinked in surprise. This old lady continued to amaze me with her kindness and I was floored at the fact that it was all genuine. I had nothing to give to her in return except for my friendship and thanks. We had only known each other for a month and she was showing me more love than I had ever known from people I had been around for years. I wanted to hug the shit out of her for that fact alone.

"Thank you, Cinthia," I said, unable to find any other appropriate words of gratitude. "I-I can't express to you how awesome you are. You've done more for me than you should."

"Oh, think nothing of it, dearie," she laughed and waved her hand after releasing mine and returned to her meal. "Now eat up and then we will spend the rest of the day packing for your departure."

Beaming at her, I picked up the piece of bacon I had previously been eating. "Thanks."

The rest of that day really was spent packing. We fixed holes in cloaks and clothes that I was to bring with me –all pants and tunics, yay! –and then she was showing me how to saddle Sir Hoover. To my surprise she was allowing me to take the animal and when I tried to protest she merely waved me off and shooed away my argument.

"He will be much more use to you than me," she had insisted. "Poor thing just stands there and eats all day except for the walk about the trees you take him on every day. I'm too old to do anything useful with him. Take him, dear, unless you plan on carrying all your provisions by yourself."

That had shut me up real quick. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I had only ridden a horse once in my life when I was five. Plus, that would bust my whole amnesia story to itty bitty little pieces. And I really didn't want to carry all that crap with me. It was only, like, noon-ish and we already had a bedroll that she had somehow been able to sew up in the last few hours, a sac packed with an extra set of clothes, a couple cloaks, a pair of boots and some thread and needles just in case, and another sac full of food that we were keeping in the cellar to stay fresh. All that was left was to saddle up and prepare Sir Hoover for the journey when it was time to go, which I still wasn't sure of when that would be.

I didn't bother telling Cinthia I was meeting Gandalf and a few others, whoever they were, at Bilbo's that evening. The poor old lady's view on the Hobbit would be shattered to pieces and his respectability would be thrown out the window. Cinthia was a gossiper and she'd probably spread around Hobbiton that Bilbo was not the Hobbit everyone thought he was. Then again, if he really was going to join in on this adventure then that was probably going to happen anyway. Well, I guess I'd just have to wait and see.

By the time it started getting dark and lamps were being lit all around Hobbiton, I was starting to feel nervous. I didn't know what time I had to be there or if Gandalf was going to be there when I showed up and it made me antsy. Cinthia kept me calm while serving tea and biscuits, but when I had enough of waiting and staring out the window at Bilbo's green door at the top of The Hill I decided it was time for me to leave.

I said my farewell to Cinthia and told her that I would miss her. She told me to be safe and to enjoy my journey and that if she wasn't going to see me again before my departure that I was free to take the pony as soon I was ready to leave and that the sac of food was still in the cellar. With tears in both of our eyes, we hugged for a few minutes and then I left. She watched me leave up the path in the darkness until we could no longer see each other and that was the last I ever saw of my Hobbit savior.

Taking a huge breath to calm my nerves I stared my way up at Bilbo's Hobbit hole from the base of The Hill and with another glance back at the hole I had come from, I began my trudge up the The Hill to begin my journey.


	3. Chapter 3

By the time I reached the top of The Hill and subsequently in front of Bilbo's home, my nerves were sky rocketing. Was Gandalf's invite enough? Would any of the others even want me there? I couldn't fight to save my life. The most I had ever done was throw a few punches in high school and play rugby, that wasn't even remotely enough when there were those Orc things that Kate always talked about. Those ugly gross looking things that she once dressed up as on Halloween just to scare the shit out of me.

But back to my original dilemma I was currently stuck outside of Bilbo's gate, debating on going and knocking on the door. I could hear laughing and other loud noises from inside and could only barely see a few dark shadows moving around in the candlelight. Biting my lip, I had almost gathered up the courage to open the gate and stride up the steps to the door when someone calling my name out being me caused me to startle and spin around with a yelp. The night was dark and silent with hardly any crickets chirping and sudden sounds apparently almost made me jump out of my skin.

"Oh, my dear, I do apologize, I did not mean to startle you," chuckled Gandalf as he weaved his way through a grouping of shorter beings –beings that were closer to my height. In the darkness I couldn't really make out what any of them looked like, but judging from their silhouettes, they had some crazy ass hair-dos.

My attention was dragged back to Gandalf as he stepped up next to me and his face was just barely illuminated by the light coming from the moon and Bilbo's windows. "Yeah, don't sweat it, G," I finally replied with a sigh and couldn't stop my gaze from wondering past the taller man to glance once again at the group behind him. The old Wizard followed where I was looking and gave a short laugh as if just remembering that they were there.

"Ah, yes. Well, I suppose it is time to join the gathering," he said joyfully and the others around us voiced their agreements. "Go on then! Let us not be rude and wait out here. We might catch a cold before Bilbo has the wits to invite us in!" The old Wizard waved his staff in the direction of the door and gave another joyous laugh when the mass of shadows immediately scrambled towards the door, almost dismantling the gate in the process. As soon as they stepped into the dim light I could see each and every one of their faces, all of them rough-looking with long hair and most of them with long beards.

"They're Dwarves!" I exclaimed excitedly without thinking and looked up at Gandalf with a dropped jaw of glee. The Wizard just looked back down at me with a broad smile, but it was another Dwarf in the group now pressing itself against the door as they each tried to be the first to enter.

"Aye, lass, did ya expect pigeons?" laughed a Dwarf with a funny hat that reminded me of something my dad used to wear when he went hunting, except it wasn't orange and the earflaps were tied so they stuck out at the sides.

Despite his sarcastic remark, I couldn't help but laugh. "I like him." The Dwarf sent me a wide grin before joining his comrades at the door while Gandalf and I followed up on the back at a less hurried pace.

Just then the door swung open and Bilbo's voice could be heard almost shouting in frustration as the tail end of his sentence could be heard. "… it is in _very_ poor taste-!" He was cut off from saying anymore when as he opened the door the group of about seven Dwarves toppled over into his home where he had to take a step back to avoid his feet from getting squished.

It was probably my laugh that brought Bilbo's attention past the Dwarves and to me and Gandalf who were still standing at the back of the group struggling to stand as they shouted at each other, but his bewilderment was replaced with exasperation the moment he laid eyes on us. "Gandalf," he sighed with a frown and his shoulders slumped. Beside the Wizard I raised my hand and wiggled my fingers in greeting and it caught the Hobbit's attention easily as his eyes then moved to me. "And… Poppy?"

"The one and only!" _Quite literally, in fact._

It only took a few minutes for the gaggle of Dwarves at the door to untangle themselves and make their way to the back of Bilbo's quaint little home where there were a few other Dwarves already gathered and setting up a table with a bunch of chairs. I felt the need to apologize to Bilbo, but I never had the chance as the Dwarf with the funny hat –who had introduced himself as Bofur –took hold of my arm and yanked me into the dining room with the others. I was greeted with loud cheers and too many slaps on the shoulders to count. Needless to say I felt welcomed.

It was as loud and disorganized as a middle school cafeteria. I was shoved right in the middle of a bunch of shouting short and hairy men who were gathering food from Bilbo's pantry and bringing it to the dining room. A few names were hurriedly thrown at me and I had a hard time remembering which name belonged to which Dwarf and eventually gave up and started calling each of them 'him' or 'you' and associated it with finger points and wild gestures. I did end up sticking very close to a younger looking pair though whose names I was sure were Fifi and Killer or at least something along those lines. To be honest I was too distracted by their faces and how pretty they were. One was blonde while the other was raven haired and they laughed and shouted with the other much older looking Dwarves like old friends.

Eventually I just shrugged and began to help haul food and other such things into the dining room with the others and laughed at some of their antics. I tried my best to avoid Bilbo and feel the need to explain things when I didn't really know what there was to explain. I was just as confused as he was so I just dodged him as he patrolled the section of hallway between the pantry and the dining room and nervously fluttered around like a mother hen. I just passed Gandalf as I was carrying a bowl of biscuits into the dining room when I was stopped by a Dwarf with grey hair that was tied up in so many braids I lost count. I immediately recognized him as one of the Dwarves that was outside with me and Gandalf.

"Pardon me, miss, but may I ask your name?" he asked politely. He was holding a tray in his hands that had a tea pot and two small mugs on top of it.

"Poppy," I told him over the noise and he nodded with a wide smile.

"Pleasure you meet you, I am Dori. May I interest you in a cup of chamomile tea, Miss Poppy?"

I looked at the tea and was about to say yes out of politeness when I noticed a Dwarf leaning against the opening to the dining room and was talking to Gandalf. He looked to be holding a mug of what looked like beer and I immediately licked my lips. Cinthia didn't have any alcohol besides wine in her Hobbit hole and I didn't have much liking for wine. But beer. Beer made my mouth water.

"No thanks, Dori, but I sure wouldn't mind whatever he's got," I said while pointing to the Dwarf I had spotted. The top of his head was balding with a few odd looking tattoos in its place and he had a scar of some kind on his harsh features that made him look like one angry little man.

"Ale it is!" Dori's exclamation pulled me out of my observation of the scary Dwarf and as the grey haired Dori skittered off, I was left in the dining room with my biscuits to dodge other Dwarves as they swerved in and out of the room.

Eventually I was shoved near the back of the room between Killer and some other Dwarf –who also seemed young, but actually had a beard –with my very own mug of ale having a great time. I don't think I'd had so much fun since my first year of college where there was nothing to do but drink and dance until I passed out on my roommate's couch. Everywhere there was laughing and talking and shouting and eating. Man, I _loved_ these guys! They were definitely my kind of people.

I didn't waste time joining in on the festivities. Food was passed around –literally, it was even flying across the room –as were mugs of ale that I just couldn't refuse. Half the time I had both food and ale in my mouth and the other half I was accidentally spitting it out when I laughed with the others. The table was a mess with food and it was just getting worse because Fifi, or whatever his name was, was actually walking down the table _on top of the food_ passing out more mugs of ale.

"Who wants an ale?" he called out and several Dwarves shouted back to him. "There you go."

"Over here, brother!" Killer –or was it Kili? –hollered. "Two! For me and the lady!"

"Ah! My sausages!" I cried as Fifi's boot just missed the plate of sausages I had piled in front of me and I yanked them out of the way just as the blonde Dwarf was passing the dark haired one two mugs of alcohol. A chorus of laughter broke out at my exclamation and Kili even helped me defend my platter as Fifi continued by. When he was finally seated, the Dwarf handed me my own mug of ale with a wide contagious grin.

"Here, have another drink!" the scary looking Dwarf suddenly shouted as he poured what was left of his mug down a horn that the Dwarf beside him was using as a hearing aid. The rest of us laughed uproariously when the said Dwarf removed the horn and blew into it spewing ale everywhere. Beside me, Kili was laughing so hard that I thought he was about to choke, but a second later there was another shout.

"On the count of three!"

Immediately all mugs were in the center and clanking against each other in a cheers and there was a chorus of, "One… Two…!" We never even made it to three when everyone started chugging and I had no problem joining in.

I'm pretty sure with how fast I drank that I was spilling more out the side of my mouth than actually drinking any and by the splashes going on I could tell I wasn't the only one. The minute there was nothing left in my mug I slammed it down with the others and added my own belch to the rest that were echoing around the room. Laughter sprouted again amongst the burping, but there was silence as the young Dwarf on my right stood and let out the loudest belch I had ever heard. Cheers erupted as he sat back down and received claps on the shoulders for his rather impressive display.

"I knew you had it in you!" Bofur shouted from the head of the table near the entrance and I swear if he leaned back any farther on his chair he'd topple over. The alcohol must have been hitting me already pretty good when I started to giggle uncontrollably just at the thought. Beside me, Kili laughed at my snorting and then at my hiccups which was causing the others around us to laugh too. I was handed another ale then and I grinned as I winked at the others around me and began to chug once again.

"Look at the wee lass go!" cried one of the Dwarves as cheers were heard. When I was finished I slammed my mug down next to my previous one and there as a pause as all Dwarves stared at me. I held up a finger then used the same hand to curl it into a fist and thud it against my chest.

The burp that came up was impressive, but not quite to the point of what the Dwarf on my right had had. The others laughed and continued on with their eating as the two males on either side of me patted my shoulders and I pouted at the table.

"Good try, Miss Poppy, but I think Ori has you beat," Kili laughed and I looked at the other Dwarf next to me who was giving a sheepish smile beneath his large nose. I laughed and gave him a light punch on the arm to let him know that I held nothing against him for beating me and then joined in with the others once again.

Within minutes my sides were hurting from laughing so much and I felt bloated with the amount of food and ale in my stomach. My throat was hoarse and there were tears in the corners of my eyes. I was being jostled around like a rag doll half the time and even had little bits of food in my hair and my shirt was wet from ale.

And you know what? I _loved_ it.

It was the most fun I'd had in years and I didn't even know these people. At one point I had even caught Gandalf's eye as he sat smoking a pipe at the head of the table and he had returned my happy grin with a smile of his own and a wink. When all the food was eaten and everyone was standing to run around the hole again I thought it the perfect opportunity to at least get to know a few more Dwarves and possibly finally learn their names for good.

Kili had no problem correcting me on Fifi's name, which was actually Fili, and that they were brothers. They then brought me to Ori who introduced his own brothers Nori, a Dwarf with an interesting hair style that included three points separated by braids, and Dori, who I had already met. Next I was pawned off to Bofur who had me say hello to Bifur, even though he didn't speak anything other than Khuzdul which was apparently Dwarfish, and his brother Bombur who was the large Dwarf that ate more than I had seen anyone ingest in a week. Bofur then dragged me over to Balin, a very nice Dwarf with white hair and was obviously the oldest of the group, and his brother Dwalin, who was the scary looking Dwarf I had seen earlier and had inspired my need for ale. He was a nice Dwarf, if not a little standoffish, but didn't really seem to mind me there. Balin then introduced me to his cousins Oin, the Dwarf with the horn ear, and Gloin, who looked a lot like the Dwarf dude I had seen on the cover of Kate's Lord of the Rings DVD once.

After the introductions it seemed like I was suddenly a part of one big family. Kili and Fili integrated me into a small food fight based off of crumbs they had started with Ori, Oin and Gloin, but once that was finished I made my way over to Bofur where he started telling me a few jokes. With his strong accent and my obvious lack of knowledge of this world, most of the hilarity was lost on me, but I still laughed mostly because I was bit tipsy.

It came to the point where I was just circling around, talking with a bunch of different Dwarves about different things, most of them I had no idea about so I just played dumb, and I was just having a great time.

But then dishes stared flying. And then there was singing.

It all started with the two brothers I had grown quite fond of and Ori who was asking Bilbo what to do with his dirty dishes. Soon Bofur and Nori were clanging utensils on the plates and against each other as they stomped their feet on the floor. Many of the other Dwarves joined in on the stomping and clanging and not wanting to be left out I did too, but I left he knives to the men. Bilbo was scurrying around again, getting on the Dwarves' case about the cutlery.

"And can you not do that? You'll blunt them!" He cried, but his request was ignored.

"Ooh, you hear that, lads? He says we'll blunt the knives," Bofur repeated sarcastically and it was met with laughter. That's when the singing began.

_Blunt the knives, bend the forks,_

_Smash the bottles and burn the corks,_

_Chip the glasses and bend the plates,_

_That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!_

_Cut the cloth, tread on the fat,_

_Leave the bones on the bedroom mat,_

_Pour the milk on the pantry floor,_

_Splash the wine on every door._

_Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl,_

_Pound them up with a thumping pole,_

_When you're finished, if they are whole,_

_Send them down the hall to roll._

All the while this was going on I was laughing my ass off and trying to dodge flying dishes. Tea pots and other such kitchen items were somehow turned into musical instruments and I was amazed at the ability of some of the Dwarves to be able to play and so nonchalantly bounce bowls and cups off their elbows, knees or shoulders. Some of the other Dwarves had even tried to get me to join in on the singing or the apparent game of catch, but I refused knowing full well that there would be things dropped and I clearly didn't know the words so I just stayed where I was with my mug of beer and laughed and stomped my feet along with them.

_That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!_

By the end, all the dishes were piled up on a table in the middle of the pantry and all the Dwarves, myself included, and Gandalf were laughing at the look of amazement on Bilbo's face. There was not a single chip or crack on any of them and even all the utensils were present and there were no spills or burning of anything like their song implied.

The laughter was suddenly cut short as three loud knocks interrupted the merrymaking. All went silent and smiles fell into serious hard lines as all gazes drifted towards the direction of the door where the knocking had no doubt come from. I was confused at why everyone was suddenly so quiet and looked to Gandalf as my know-it-all source, but the Wizard's smile had fallen too and he had even taken the pipe from his mouth that he was previously puffing on and glanced around the room sternly.

"He is here," he said ominously and promptly put out his pipe. There was silence then aside from their heavy footsteps as all the Dwarves moved toward the entryway of the Hobbit hole.

But Bilbo was just as confused as I was, though he had no problem voicing it to Gandalf. "Who? Who's here?" he asked as he padded after the Dwarves and the Wizard. The man in grey simply gave him a look and the Hobbit was silent as the Wizard led him to the front of the group. I managed to wheedle in between Bifur and Bombur while the taller being pulled open the round door to reveal our last Dwarf.

"Gandalf."

Hubba hubba.

Oohh panty soup.

The man, or well Dwarf, on the other side of the door was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. He beat out Channing Tatum and Adam Levine any day in my books.

He was in all dark clothing much like Kili was and had long black hair streaked with a few grey strands. And his voice… Oh, god, his voice! It was deep and gravelly and it caused a warm tingle to be sent down my spine. His expression was stony, yet somehow still soft and the light from inside cast a beautiful glow onto his flawless features and rough black beard. The brothers could forget my affections, because this Dwarf suddenly had me in a puddle of goo and I didn't want to be back to normal just yet. I probably looked like an idiot standing there with my mouth hanging open like it was.

As the Dwarf stepped inside he cast the old Wizard a slightly amused look. "I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way. Twice," he continued and looked at a few of the Dwarves to his left and nodded in greeting to them before he started to remove his cloak from his shoulders. Was it sad that I wanted to go over there and volunteer myself as a coat rack? Probably. "I wouldn't have found it at all had it not been for that mark on the door."

"Mark?" Bilbo spoke up, squeezing out between Dwalin and Dori as Gandalf closed the door. The new Dwarf ignored the Hobbit's outburst as he sent a small smile in greeting to the Dwarves in my general direction –which almost caused me to swoon, might I add –and gave Kili a pat on the shoulder when the Dwarf approached him. "There's no mark on that door. It was painted a week ago!"

"There is a mark. I put it there myself," Gandalf admitted to the shorter man as Mr. Sexy turned to face them again, his hand outstretching behind him to pass his cloak to Kili. "Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company: Thorin Oakensheild."

Oh dear god, even his name was sexy. Someone stab me and make sure I'm not dreaming.

"So…" Thorin drawled. I almost fainted. "This is the Hobbit." He began to circle the shorter man then. "Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?"

"Pardon me?" asked the suddenly confused Hobbit.

"Axe or sword? What's your weapon of choice?" the Dwarf continued a little smugly.

"Well, I do have some skill at conkers, if you must know…" Bilbo started sounding quite pleased with himself, but at the look on Thorin's face he grew a little sheepish. "… but I fail to see why that's relevant."

A few of the other Dwarves cast amused smiles at each other, but I was just confused. What the hell was conkers?

Thorin's arms folded over his chest, but his back was to me –to my disappointment –so I couldn't see the look on his face, but I heard his amusement anyway. "Thought as much," he stated then barely turned his head in the direction of his fellow Dwarves. "He looks more like a grocer than a burglar."

Chuckles echoed around the hallway and my jaw snapped back up to finally close my mouth as Thorin was lead to the dining room with his men. Leaning toward Bofur I furrowed my eyebrows slightly. "That was a little rude, wasn't it?" I asked, but the Dwarf had no time to reply because he was interrupted.

"You," came a loud voice and suddenly all the chatter that had started in the past few seconds was cut short and it was silent again. Spinning around I came face to face with my new inspiration for wet dreams and almost squeaked and fell into Bofur in surprise at his close proximity, but I was able to save some of my dignity by only jumping slightly. "Who are you?"

Thorin was staring at me with narrowed oceanic eyes, but they were more curious than accusing and he was only a foot away from me. If I wanted to, all I had to do was stretch out my hand and touch him and I'd be in heaven. It was in that moment that I suddenly remembered that he was talking to me and couldn't stop myself from stuttering like a nervous idiot.

"Who me? Oh, um, I'm, uh, P-poppy," I stammered and blinked when he only stared at me. "Sir."

He gave another amused half smile and I almost melted back to my happy pile of goo again as he looked me over. "Poppy?" he asked.

"Aye, that's what she insisted on us callin' her," Bofur spoke up with a wide smile as he moved from behind me and to my side where he draped a heavy arm over my shoulders. "Full name's Poppletof, it is."

I was about to protest and tell him it was actually Penelope, but stopped myself in time when Thorin's eyes, which had been on Bofur as he spoke, turned back to me. "From where do you hail, Miss Poppletof?"

No name had sounded better coming from anyone before in my entire life. Not even when I used to use fake names at bars so I wouldn't have to call the guy later. But, I internally groaned, people _really_ needed to stop asking me that question.

"Um…" I mumbled and looked around the room, seeking out Gandalf for help. He was the only one besides Hyacinthe –and Bilbo, but I doubt he was about to jump to my rescue –that knew about my dilemma. I thanked my lucky stars when the Wizard got the hint.

"Our dear friend here has amnesia, I'm afraid," he said as he came to stand beside me and Bofur. A few of the other Dwarves began to talk quietly to each other at that. "She doesn't remember anything before a month ago, which is why I asked her to join us this evening."

Thorin didn't reply and only looked back and forth between me and Gandalf and every time his eyes were on me I felt like I was on fire. Damn, hormones. Now is not the time to be acting up. Luckily it was Kili and Fili that suddenly jumped in.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Kili asked, sounding almost offended and I shrugged.

"I was busy getting drunk and stuffing my face. Who wants to talk about that when there's food available?" I laughed and a few other Dwarves chuckled.

"Good point," Fili said with a grin as he pried me from Bofur's arm and replaced it with his own. Kili joined on the opposite side so that I was sandwiched between them. Had this have happened before Thorin showed up I would have died happy. Actually, I think I'll still die happy.

"Ah, leave the lass alone," Balin spoke up suddenly with a tender smile as he looked at the three of us. "We've got a meeting to get on with."

Sounds of agreement went around the group that was now complete and I was dragged into the dining room with the rest of them, missing the glance I received from the new addition as we passed. I was stuffed in the back corner with the two brothers and while Dori prepared a bowl of leftover stew for Thorin, he took a seat at the front of the table while the rest of us squeezed in wherever there was room.


	4. Chapter 4

I could not, for the life of me, stop staring at Thorin. The way he ate was just so… Well, it was like how normal people ate, but when he did it, it almost seemed more masculine, more exotic. If any of the other Dwarves noticed my outright and blatant stare, they didn't comment and I was thankful for that. They seemed like the kind of guys that used any bit of information to tease and psychologically torment each other, but I guess there was the fact that I was a woman and it wasn't polite, or _gentlemanly_, to tease a lady. Another thing I was thankful for. I didn't quite fancy the idea of my cheeks going as red as Bombur's fiery red hair if my obvious fascination with the stony Dwarf was ever pointed out in front of him. What would be even worse was if he caught me himself. Now _that_ would be embarrassing.

The table was just as crowded as it had been before during the feast; each Dwarf was stuffed shoulder to shoulder beside one another and instead of dishes and food adorning the table, there were mugs of ale and lighted candles. But there were no drinking or burping contests; no cheersing in the center and definitely no yelling of any kind. All eyes –especially mine –were trained on the Dwarf at the head of the table, spooning delicately at his bowl of hot stew.

"What news from the meeting in Ered Luin?" Balin asked after a while of quiet sipping and the soft whispers of pipes being puffed. Thorin looked up from his meal –which was significantly smaller than the one his companions and I had indulged in only a few minutes before his arrival –and trained his eyes on the old Dwarf. "Did they all come?"

"Aye," Thorin replied. "Envoys from all seven kingdoms." Sounds of happiness and chuckles echoed around the small dining room.

"And what did the Dwarves of the Iron Hills say?" Dwalin cut in, his thickly accented bur silencing the other Dwarves. The tattooed Dwarf's eyes never strayed from the one on the other side of the Wizard as his voice lowered to a softer tone. "Is Dain with us?"

It seemed like every other Dwarf in the room was just as curious for the answer and it was at this point that Thorin seemed to temporarily lose his appetite. His spoon was placed back in the bowl and a shadow of sadness that made a frown of my own appear came to his beautiful face. Heaving a sigh, his shoulders slumped in a way that was hardly noticeable. I wouldn't have caught it if I had have been staring like the creep I was.

"They will not come," he admitted after a bout of silence and immediately grumbles rippled like a wave around the room. On either side of me the brothers lowered and shook their heads with disappointed frowns. Not really knowing what was going on and the significance of it all, I raised my mug to take a sip of my ale.

"They say this quest is ours and ours alone," Thorin continued after the initial mumbles had quieted. Before I could take another drink my brows furrowed in curiosity. Quest? Was this the adventure Gandalf had mentioned?

More grumbles. Ever watchful, I noticed Bilbo creep out from behind Gandalf enough to just peek over his shoulder as Thorin took a drink. "You're going on a quest?" the Hobbit asked, his own curiosity getting the better of him.

Silence met his question, but glances were cast his way. It was clear that no one really wanted to share the answer. Gandalf however turned just enough to smile at the shorter man. "Bilbo, my dear fellow, let us have a little more light," he requested. The Hobbit paused only for a moment before scurrying off as the Wizard stood and pulled something from the depths of his grey robes. As he continued to speak and unfold the piece of paper he now held, Dwalin stretched across the table to move a few plates out of the way and Thorin pushed his bowl to the side.

"Far to the east," the old man was saying. "Over ranges and rivers… beyond woodlands and wastelands… Lies a single, solitary peak." The paper was finally unfolded and flattened on the table in front of Thorin who watched with deep interest. As Gandalf sat once again Dwarves all around the table craned their necks –some even lifted themselves out of their seats entirely–in an attempt to get a better look at what it was. From my spot at the far back corner I could only make out a few red and black lines.

Thankfully Bilbo, who had just returned with a newly lit candle, sated my curiosity somewhat by reading from the paper. "_The Lonely Mountain_," he mumbled aloud and the realization came over me that it must have been a map of some kind.

"Aye," cut in Gloin as Bilbo settled down the candle on the table before promptly shuffling off again. "Oin has read the portents-" here, eyes were rolled and sighs were huffed "-and the portents say it is time!"

"Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain, _as it was foretold,_" added in the previous Dwarf's brother, sounding quite insistent. If I had any guess, I'd say the two of them had gotten quite a lot of flak in the past because of this. It sounded like an old argument. "'When the birds of yore return to Erebor, the reign of the beast will end'."

Beast?

Bilbo had the same thoughts apparently because suddenly he was spotted once again standing between –although about a foot behind –where Thorin and Gandalf sat. "Uh… what beast?" he asked, his eyes blazing in interest though he tried to hide it.

Thorin didn't bother turning his gaze to the Hobbit unlike the rest of the Dwarves as well as the Wizard. "That would be in reference to Smaug the Terrible," supplied Bofur nonchalantly after taking his pipe from his lips. Bilbo chanced a few steps closer, his eyes trained on the friendly Dwarf as his hands twisted habitually in front of him. "Chiefest and greatest calamity of our age."

The table had grown deadly silent by this point, the moment the name 'Smaug' had left Bofur's mouth it seemed like they were suddenly all mutes. Not a smile was seen.

When Bilbo made no reply, the short man with the funny hat –which I wanted to steal by the way –looked my way and I had to stop myself from hitching my breath when Thorin's eyes followed if only for a second. "Airborne firebreather," the Dwarf continued, turning back to the Hobbit. "Teeth like razors. Claws like meat hooks. Extremely fond of precious metals-"

"Yes, I know what a dragon is," Bilbo finally interrupted, clearly becoming uncomfortable.

Hold the fuck up; they had _dragons_ here? After the word dragon was uttered I think I had a mini heart attack. It shouldn't have surprised me that in a world where Wizards, Dwarves and tiny people with giant harry feet existed that there would be dragons, but it still gave me a shock regardless. Unintentionally I felt my eyes harden into a glare as they finally tore themselves from Thorin and all his beauty to lock on the greying old geezer beside him. Gandalf must have sensed my fiery stare because he met it with a stern look of his own. My glare didn't relent however and it clearly conveyed what I was thinking; _you sneaky old fart, you could have told me there were going to be dragons __**before**__ I said yes!_

Ori suddenly standing drew my attention though and my glaring contest with Gandalf was broken. All eyes gravitated towards the young Dwarf as he proclaimed, "I'm not afraid. I'm up for it. I'll give him a taste of Dwarfish iron right up his jacksie!"

By jacksie me meant penis, right?

Laughs erupted and Nori cheered on his little brother. "Good lad, Ori!"

Dori, however, was not as impressed by the Dwarf's behavior and pulled him by the sleeve to have him plant his ass back in his chair with an order of, "sit down."

Balin then interrupted the cackles and chuckles, eager to get back to the business at hand. I took another sip of my ale and happily turned my eyes back to the front of the table. "The task would be difficult enough with an army behind us," he scolded. Any remaining smiles fell and I felt like scowling at the white bearded Dwarf. _Killjoy_. "But we number just thirteen. And not thirteen of the best…" he paused to look around the table. "Nor brightest."

Mumbles rose up amongst the group and brows were creased in confusion, each one trying to figure out who in particular Balin was referring to. I had to hide my snicker when Kili and Fili each quietly voiced their indignation.

"Must have meant Ori," Kili reasoned to his blonde brother in a whisper.

I caught the bearded sibling nodding out the corner of my eye. "Aye. Or perhaps even Oin," he agreed.

"What?" the deaf Dwarf asked, somehow catching his name amongst the whispering.

"Nothing," Kili replied all too quickly it seemed and accompanied it with a grin that clearly spelled trouble, but the Dwarf accepted it anyway.

A few other outbursts of offense were heard, but Fili's soon rose louder than the rest. "We may be few in number, but we're fighters," he claimed with certainty. His arm then came around my shoulders as he flashed me a quick grin. "All of us! To the last Dwarf!" His free hand then slammed down on the table for emphasis. I almost feared for my mug when it shook slightly from the vibration.

On my other side Kili nodded in agreement as a few other Dwarves mumbled theirs. "And you forget, we have a Wizard in our company," added the younger Dwarf excitedly as if it was obvious that Gandalf had some amazing powers. "Gandalf will have killed _hundreds_ of dragons in his time."

Jesus, he sounded like a five-year-old talking about his favorite superhero.

Voices of agreement rose up, but Gandalf quickly silenced them with a modest wave of his hand. "Oh, well, no. I-I-I wouldn't say-"

"How many, then?" Dori interrupted. Gandalf blinked, clearly flustered.

"What?"

"How many dragons have you killed?" the intricately braided Dwarf elaborated, his gaze, as well as many others', expectant. My eyes gravitated over to the Wizard as well, curious of his answer myself.

You would think that a Wizard as wise and shit as Gandalf would have been able to guard himself better. Either that or he just couldn't lie. The smoke he just inhaled from his pipe seeped in small wisps from his partially closed lips as he coughed and looked nervously around the table at all the eyes on him.

"Go on!" insisted Dori, his voice rising. "Give us a number!"

Cue angry Dwarf shouting. It wasn't like the last few times where there was yelling; this time it was all arguments and biting words. Dwarves stood from their seats to shout at each other, which was weird because it was actually Gandalf that should have been receiving the brunt end of it. I huddled in on myself between the two brothers and hugged my mug to my chest scared that it might be knocked off the table and my precious ale would be gone. Fili removed his arm from my shoulders and leaned over the table with his brother to argue with Dori and Ori –who was only included to have his brother's back –and tried to defend the Wizard. The head of the table was oddly silent aside from Bilbo who squeaked and attempted to placate the Dwarves and stop them from slamming their fists on the table.

Thorin was also silent and instinctively my eyes gravitated toward him over Fili's hunched shoulder. The leader of this ragtag little group, for a reason I would never know, met my stare and I noticed the silent irritation that pursed his lips beneath his beard. I was stunned only for a moment before giving him a shrug that clearly stated that I didn't know what to make of the situation. I was just a dead girl given another chance in another world; I didn't know how to calm down the temper of Dwarves. I had my own to worry about half the time.

Thorin's eyes left me then, much to my disappointment, and he rose from his seat, his voice rising with him. "No more!" he roared. Immediately there was silence and he had the sole attention of the room. Dwarves returned to their seats as their leader stood as tall as his short stature allowed –he even towered over Gandalf due to the Wizard being seated –and leveled the group with a hard stare.

"If we have read these signs, do you not think others will have read them too?" he declared his inquiry rhetorical. The Dwarves for all their robust demeanors, shrunk in on themselves at Thorin's gaze. "Rumors have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen for sixty years. Eyes look east to the mountain; assessing, wondering, weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected. Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?!"

The moment was so epic that I couldn't stop the tingle of excitement that coursed through me and caused the hair on the back of my neck to stand and goosebumps to invade my flesh. It was no wonder Thorin was their leader, I hardly knew the guy and he was already somehow convincing me that I wanted to fight despite the fact that I didn't know how to. I'd probably die by the end of all this and that still didn't faze me. I could lose an _arm_ or any other kind of body part and I'd still follow this guy to the ends of the earth. But that also might have been due to the fact that I had a girl boner for him.

Cheers echoed around the room and fists were pumped. I couldn't stop myself from hooting and cheering with the two brothers next to me. Their joy was contagious.

"You forget: the front gate is sealed," interrupted Balin once again. The cheers died and I didn't even try to hide my small glare. _You really are a killjoy_. "There is no way into the mountain."

Grumbles were heard and it seemed that as much as the Dwarves hated it, they knew it was true and embraced that fact with reluctant frowns. I gazed at Thorin, hoping that maybe he would look my way again, but he didn't. Instead it was Gandalf that drew his blue stare.

"That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true," claimed the Wizard and his hand twisted in front of him. Like most of the clowns and magicians I saw when I was little he produced an iron key seemingly out of thin air. Except for him it probably was midair considering he was actually a real Wizard and all; magic was literally in his job description.

Thorin's jaw dropped much like mine had when I first saw him enter Bilbo's hobbit hole. "How came you by this?" he said softly, his tone no longer the loud bark he had only a few moments ago. Another tingle was sent through me, but not for the same reasons.

"It was given to me by your father. By Thrain," replied Gandalf as Thorin's eyes danced between the object and the Wizard with wide eyes. For only a second he reminded me of poor Charlie Bucket who was being taunted with someone dangling a Willy Wonka chocolate bar in front of his face. "For safekeeping. It is yours now." Gandalf then extended the key to the Dwarf leader and he took it with gentle fingers as if it were some piece of precious glass that would break the moment a light breeze swept over it. The key clinked gently against Thorin's rings as he gazed wondrously at the twisted iron. The rest of the Dwarves seemed to be caught in the same amount of amazement as their leader and all was silent.

But it was Fili who spoke and shattered the thin air of awe. "If there is a key…" he said in realization. "There must be a door." A smile broke out beneath his braided moustache and he met the eyes of every single Dwarf around us. I bit back the need to snort and roll my eyes. _Thank you, Captain Obvious._

Gandalf gave the fair haired Dwarf a nod as he used his pipe to point to an area on the map that I distinguished as a red blob. "These runes speak of a hidden passage to the lower halls," he explained.

On my other side, Fili's dark haired brother grinned widely and reached a hand across my shoulders to grip at his brother's before draping his arm over me. He gave me a gentle shake and when I looked at him I couldn't help but match his wide relieved smile with my own. I couldn't help it; any of these Dwarves' smiles caused one of my own to form, especially one from either one of the brothers.

"There's another way in," he declared.

"Well, if we can find it," sighed the Wizard. "But Dwarf doors are invisible when closed."

Finally I broke my long silence, having not spoken since sitting down to watch Thorin eat. Leaning over the table to catch Gandalf's attention I voiced my question. "What do you mean by 'invisible'? Like _actually_ invisible or just hidden better than a five-year-old in a coat rack?" I asked. It was probably a stupid question by the Dwarves' standards, but I was ready to use my 'amnesia' as an excuse. I wasn't a nerd back on my planet of cars and pollution; how was I supposed to know what Dwarf doors were like? Before today I didn't think they were anything but angry, harry short little fat guys that saved princesses in scary dark forests.

At my question, a few snickers were thrown around and I frowned at the teasing stares some of my fellow Dwarves sent me. Even Thorin seemed to have gotten some amusement from my naïve remark. Gandalf, who I relied on most for the answer to my question, gave me a small quirk of his lips.

"Both, depending how you look at it," the grey cloaked man said then looked back to the map with another sigh. "The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map, and I do not have the skill to find it. But," here he paused, "There are others in Middle-Earth who can. The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth-" _Well, then you should count me out. _"-and no small amount of courage."_ Debateable._

Here, the Wizard's eyes barely grazed over me before falling to the complete opposite side of the room to give Bilbo a meaningful glance. "But if we are careful," continued Gandalf, "and clever, I believe that it can be done."

"That's why we need a burglar," tuned in Ori with a smile of realization.

"Hmm and a good one too," added Bilbo as he slid his thumbs into the straps of his suspenders and rocked back and forth on his large feet, his eyes planted on the map. "An expert I'd imagine."

"And _are _you?" asked Gloin, leaning forward slightly to lean his elbow on the table. I had to hold back my snort of laughter knowing full well that Bilbo was definitely _not_ a burglar. He was too prim and proper; a regular goody two shoes.

The poor Hobbit didn't catch that he was being addressed and there was a moment of pause where he finally noticed the stares. He looked over his shoulder as if he expected someone to be standing there –and probably hoping too –but when he saw no one he turned back to the group. "Am I what?"

"He said he's an expert!" Exclaimed Oin with glee and I shook my head as a few chuckles were heard.

Leaning around Fili, I looked at the hearing impaired Dwarf. "Oin, I think you need your horn checked. It's not doing you a lot of good," I laughed. Kili too propped his elbow on the table as he was drawn forward with me due to his arm being around my shoulders.

"Ah, But that horn allows him some ounce of hearing, Miss Poppy. Without it he'd be completely deaf," he said.

"Aye," agreed his brother. "Then he'd be even more unbearable."

If Oin heard us, which I highly doubt he did, he paid us no mind and Bilbo, at the Dwarf's proclamation, stuttered and began to wave his hands around. Seated beside him, Thorin merely crossed his thick arms –drool –across his broad chest and watched the Hobbit uninterestedly. His eyes were half lidded and he would have appeared lazy were it not for the tenseness of his shoulders that I could see even as he wore his leather clothing.

"Me? No. No, no, no," Bilbo stuttered. "I'm not a burglar. I've never stolen a thing in my life."

_Oh yeah, who called it._

"Well, I'm afraid I have to agree with Mr. Baggins," Balin cut in. "He's hardly burglar material."

"Nope," agreed Bilbo with an immediate nod.

"Aye, the wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves," grumbled Dwalin, his eyes hardening on the Hobbit. Without even trying to deny it, Bilbo nodded again and pointed at the Dwarf as if saying 'bingo!'

"And what of you, lass? Are you a burglar?" asked Bofur. All eyes that had previously been on Bilbo now dragged towards me –even Thorin's –and I immediately swallowed in nervousness. His gaze was like a burning fire on my skin and I tried my best to think of something to say that might sound at least a bit intelligent.

"Uh…"

_Utter and epic fail. Good job, Poppy._

"May I remind you, Bofur, that our dear lady has amnesia?" Gandalf said, his quick thinking once again saving my ass and I shot him another grateful glance. Not being able to trust the word vomit that would occur with Thorin's eyes on me I nodded vigorously in agreement to the rest of the company.

"Aye, how is she supposed to know if she's a burglar or not?" added Gloin.

"Things like these puzzle me just as much as you, gentlemen," I shrugged, my lips drawing back in my best clueless expression. Of course, I knew I didn't have amnesia, but how was I supposed to explain to a bunch of big-headed Dwarves that my being here meant I was already dead, that this was my chosen by random afterlife? Yeah, I could just imagine that going splendidly.

As it so happened I had actually stolen before. Given, I was very little and didn't know why stealing was so bad, all I wanted was some candy and a couple toys from my Kindergarten class. It was a hell of a lot better than Bilbo though.

"You'll have to count on the Hobbit for this one," I added when I was met with silence. "Stealth is not exactly my forte."

Chatter broke out among the Dwarves as they all began to discuss this thing and that. Kili and Fili were busy trying to convince a few others that Bilbo would do just fine, but not everyone was in agreement. Some were insistent that the Hobbit wouldn't last a week, while others tossed around the idea that I could possibly take his place and use my 'feminine grace' to acquire some stealth. All in all I think it was in most agreement that Bilbo as their burglar would just not do.

"Enough!" shouted Gandalf as he stood. The candles darkened and there was a creaking as if the foundation of the Hobbit hole suddenly gained more weight than it could bear. The poor Hobbit took a step back from the friendly Wizard and stared up at him with surprised fear. Even the Dwarves stopped their squabbling to cower away from the darkness of Gandalf's magic and I too felt a chill course through my veins. For a moment I entertained the idea that I had suddenly had a bucket of ice cold water dumped over my head.

"If I say Bilbo Baggins is a burglar, then a burglar he is!" The darkness receded and light returned to the room as a collective sigh of relief was heard. "Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen if they choose. And while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of Dwarf, the scent of a Hobbit is all but unknown to him which gives us a distinct advantage." As Gandalf sat down again, he turned to the head Dwarf. "You asked me to find the fourteenth member of this company and I have chosen Mr. Baggins; fifteen, including Miss Poppy, if you will have her." Here, Kili's arm gave me a gentle squeeze.

"There's a lot more to him than appearances suggest," the Wizard continued. "And he's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know." While he spoke his voice rose a little higher, his gaze sweeping over the Dwarves. The whole time I could see the disdain on Thorin's face and over his shoulder, Bilbo's failed attempts to say something. He probably wanted to tell Gandalf that he disagreed, but the taller being wouldn't have it and ignored the Hobbit almost entirely until the end. "Including himself." He then turned back to Thorin with a meaningful stare. "You must trust me on this."

The Leader of the company paused for to just stare at the Wizard, clearly not happy with Gandalf's judgement, but he heaved a sigh anyway. "Very well. We will do it your way," he said in resignation. Again, Bilbo attempted to cut in and reject the whole idea, but the Dwarf's eyes were suddenly boring into me, his frown still in place. I felt my insides freeze almost instantly as Thorin's tone rose to out-voice the stuttering man behind him. "But what of the girl?"

All eyes turned to me and I swallowed nervously. Gandalf cast me an encouraging smile, but Thorin's stare had stolen all the warmth from my body and left me quivering in my seat. "If it's alright with you, I'd like to tag along," I answered slowly, a blush that I'm sure contained the last of my body's heat rising on my cheeks and turning my ears red. "I mean, I'm already packed and everything."

My Dwarf-crush gave a barely there nod of agreement, but his expression didn't change as he looked to Balin. "Give them the contract. They can both sign it," he told the older Dwarf.

A few exclamations of excitement were uttered and I received a few wide grins as Balin stood while taking something folded from his cloak. "It's the just the usual," he said while holding out the paper to Bilbo. "Summary of pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth." When Bilbo didn't make a move to take it, Thorin grabbed it and none too gently thrust it into his arms.

"Funeral arrangements?" the Hobbit squeaked.

As he turned away from the gathering to read the contract Thorin stood from his seat to lean in to Gandalf and whisper in his ear. It wouldn't have really bothered me that much had the Dwarf not glanced my way beforehand. The Wizard nodded, but his expression was grim and that caused me to worry only a tad.

Bilbo's muttering as he read the contract out loud to himself had me sighing in boredom. I just wanted the damn thing handed over so I could sign it already. The other Dwarves seemed discontent to wait as well and a few annoyed grumbles were heard.

Then Bilbo's muttering turned into intelligible words. "_Lacerations…_ Evisceration… _Incineration_?" he asked, turning back to the Dwarves with his eyebrows almost reaching his hairline.

"Oh, aye," nodded Bofur. "He'll melt the flesh of your bones in the blink of an eye."

My lip curled up at the corner at his words. "Sounds like a charming fellow," I remarked sarcastically before looking at the two brothers on either of my sides. "You're welcome to roast marshmallows off my burning corpse; I won't mind. Though, you probably wouldn't like the taste."

Fili blinked in confusion. "What are marshmallows?"

Bilbo's whimpering from the hallways saved me from answering.

"You alright, laddie?" Balin questioned as he looked at him.

"Yeah…" wheezed Bilbo as he leaned forward to rest his hands on his knees and heaved heavy breaths. "Feel a bit faint."

"Think furnace with wings," supplied Bofur with a smile.

I snorted from the other end of the table. "Yeah, like that's going to help."

"Air. I-I-I need air," mumbled Bilbo.

"Flash of light, searing pain, then poof! You're nothing than a pile of ash," continued Bofur hopefully.

"Yeah, that's definitely not helping."

Everyone watched as Bilbo grunted slightly and stood straight. For a moment it seemed like he was going to be ok and I smiled at him, but the next second he gave a shake of his head. "Nope," he declared and he was down for the count, tumbling onto the floor with a loud thud.

Gandalf heaved a short sigh and shook his head as he stood to retrieve the fallen Hobbit. "Oh, very helpful, Bofur," he grumbled sarcastically, agreeing with my earlier statements.

As the Wizard carried the Hobbit away to the sitting room I peeked around to spot the contract still lying on the floor. The other Dwarves mostly either laughed or shook their heads sadly. Shrugging out from under Kili's arm I hauled myself onto the table to walk down –carefully avoiding the candles, of course –and hopped off the other end while just barely missing Thorin and Bofur who had moved to stand under the doorway. Hunching over to retrieve the contract from the floor and turned to the others.

"Anybody got a pen?"

I was met with raised eyebrows of amusement and a few guffaws of laughter.


	5. Chapter 5

After I signed the contract –and made sure I spelled Poppletof instead of Penelope –I chilled with my new Dwarf buddies again although there still wasn't a lot of shouts and ruckus laughter. There was arguing, quite a lot of it actually, but it seemed like Thorin's presence had toned down the Dwarves' excitability. The Dwarf commanded an air or authority and it caused a sense of order that I hadn't seen before he had shown up. And probably because there wasn't food. And the ale was running out.

Thorin stood off to the side speaking quietly with Dwalin and Balin, but half the time they weren't even talking at all and just standing there either sipping at their ale or smoking their pipes. I knew this because I was a huge ass creepy motherfucker. Bilbo had woken due to Gandalf's magic hoodoo voodoo and now they sat in the main room talking as well. The Wizard had taken the contract after Balin had looked over it to take it to Bilbo in hopes of convincing the Hobbit to accept and sign it.

I had also been informed that due to my unexpected inclusion into the company that Bilbo's share of the treasure would be split between the two of us and as much as that was ok with me I was also somewhat worried about what I would do after this whole shindig was over and done with. If I lived to the end of it all, would I just disappear because I was technically already dead? Or would I go on? And if I went on, how would I support myself? My cooking abilities were a shit show and my cleaning could really use some improvement. My sewing for sure was worse than a toddler driving a car although it had improved a bit after being with Cynthia. I had overheard some of the Dwarves mentioning their ages and by the sounds of it I was going to be around for quite a while longer. Which meant I might have to go to Dwarf school; meaning I could probably ask Balin to teach me a thing or two about Dwarf culture. He seemed like a wise old fart. Same with Gandalf.

But anyways, I didn't want to ask any of the Dwarves just how much one quarter would be worth so that I could just cut that in half and know for sure because I didn't want to sound greedy. Then again, these guys were pretty greedy as it was as well as just Dwarves in general, but either way I chose the safe side and decided not to ask. Not yet anyways. I'll wait until Thorin stops throwing me those odd glances.

"Oi, Poppy!" I heard Kili call from another room. After Bilbo's fainting spell most of the Dwarves decided it was too crowded and split up to other rooms of the Hobbit hole –probably trying to find more food or ale. I was currently sitting with Bofur and Bifur listening to some more jokes and trying my hardest to understand Bifur's words and hand gestures. It was hard to concentrate once I realized that Bifur sported a rather small axe in his head, which in itself was unsettling, and had eyes that were slightly wonky. Bofur thought the clueless looks on my face were hilarious. "Where are you?"

Peeking around the opening of the dining room where I was currently sitting with the two Dwarves, I spotted Fili and Kili at the end of the hall, their long hair whipping around their faces as they looked every which way. Extending my hand I waved it to catch their attention before yelling back, "over here!"

The brothers strode over to me with wide grins and before I had time to protest both of my arms were being taken in one of theirs and I was being pulled away from the crazy hat man and his cross-eyed cousin. "Excuse us, Bofur, Bifur, but we'll be stealing the lady from you now," Fili had told him before our departure.

Bofur yelled at them as they dragged me away, but his voice was light with laughter. "You mangy wargs! Had her all night, you did!"

I laughed even though I didn't know what a warg was.

"He's got a point," I chimed in, my shoulders shrugging slightly though the action was difficult to do with both of them having my arms captive.

"Is there something wrong with wanting to spend more time with the most beautiful lady in the house?" asked Kili with a cheeky grin.

"I'm the only lady in the house."

"That's beside the point," Fili shrugged and I allowed my face to twist into a lopsided frown. "The point _is_ that we were hoping to get to know you a little better."

"We'll be traveling with each other for the next undisclosed amount of time," I deadpanned. "You'll have plenty of time to get to know me."

My statement was ignored. "And we know just about every old Dwarf in this lovely little establishment as much as we know our own beards," added Kili.

"But you don't have a beard."

Fili laughed while Kili gave a comical frown showing his displeasure at not yet having facial hair. Although the statement wasn't exactly true because he did in fact have a nice dusting of scruff along his jaw and neck, but apparently a full-out Jay Z thing was the only thing they considered a beard. "And this is exactly why I think we'll get along quite well," said the older blonde with a wide grin. His brother continued to pout even as I was deposited into an armchair in the main room. Apparently Gandalf and Bilbo had disappeared, but the contract had been placed on the mantle above the fireplace. A few of the other Dwarves had already joined in the room, laughing and guffawing like old friends tended to do while smoking their pipes.

As I scooted around to get comfortable, the brothers had managed to find a few stools to sit themselves down in front of me with eager smiles. "As we are aware that you have amnesia, we will not ask you anything about your past," Fili said with a gentle smile to which I was grateful. As much as I didn't like that I'd be lying to the people that I would be spending so much time with –it was hard enough to do to Cynthia –I knew it was probably for the best. I don't know how I'd react if one of them had shown up in my world and told me it was nothing but a fictional story. I'd probably cry. Or demand that they were insane and have them admitted.

And that was saying a lot coming from me.

Managing a sheepish smile at the two Dwarves in front of me I was able to make myself believable in my amnesia lie. "Thanks."

We were only able to talk for a little while when the room had suddenly become crowded nook and cranny with Dwarves and smoke. Sticking true to my story I didn't divulge to the brothers anything about myself that might have given me away, but I did manage to learn a few things about them like how they were actually Thorin's nephews and heir to the throne of Erebor after him if he failed to produce an heir. That meant they were all royalty. I wasn't sure whether to curtsy or bow or call them your highnesses or not. When I had asked they had merely laughed, heads falling back as they did so, and shook their heads telling me that there was no need to do such things.

Which was a huge relief because I don't think I'd be able to remember to say 'your grace' or 'your highness' all the time; much less curtsy. And with the way I drank and laughed with these guys… Well, needless to say that was not something a 'commoner' like me should be doing with royalty.

It was then that I decided that I needed to tinkle. Excusing myself from the two I skipped out of the main room and to the bathroom where I relieved myself while holding my breath from the stink of the room. I don't even want to get into what it looked like in there. It was on my way back that I almost ran into Bilbo who sat alone on a little bench in the hallways looking sullen. I stopped my walk that had previously held a bounce to it, came to a halt beside him and then I promptly sat myself down on the bench next to him.

The Hobbit only glanced at me then turned away again to stare at the wooden floor under our feet. "I see you already signed the contract," he said softly with a small nod.

"Yup," I replied. When he remained silent I raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm guessing you didn't."

"I'm a Hobbit, Miss Poppy," he groaned out, his head falling into his hands. "I like my hole, my warm bed and hearth. I like the comforts of home, not traipsing around some woods to claim a city that isn't even my own."

I watched him for a moment debating what to tell him. From what I remembered back on my planet or world or whatever there was a new Lord of the Rings trilogy that Kate was absolutely stoked out of her pants for. The title itself was even called _The Hobbit_. I had no doubt that if I was still following along the storyline, Bilbo was that Hobbit, but how was I supposed to tell him that without spilling the beans? So I came at it with a different approach.

"Still, isn't the prospect of adventure exciting? Haven't you ever wanted to go out and do something that you never thought you could? This is a once in a lifetime gig, here, I'd say welcome it with open arms. Go where no Hobbit has gone before!" My voice had risen in volume in my attempt to persuade the shorter man, but he only shook his head with his frown still in place.

"You are a Dwarf; I wouldn't expect you to understand."

The look on his face suggested he regretted the words the moment they left his mouth and his jaw opened and closed as he sputtered a hasty apology. Shaking my head, I held up a hand to stop him, but I couldn't help the sad smile that had taken over my lips.

Bilbo didn't understand the extent of my sadness; he believed it was because of amnesia and a disrespectful blow to my race, not something that should be impossible. What he didn't know was that I did understand, more than he knew, except I had been unexpectedly torn from my world only to be thrown into this one where there was the likely possibility of me dying. Again. He didn't realize that we were mostly in the same boat, so to speak, except I accepted it with open arms whereas he was too afraid to step past his doorstep. Yes, I missed my home and all the cool little gadgets I took for granted before, but I'd accepted a few weeks ago that there was no going back to it. I was dead, but Bilbo still had the possibility of returning home when this was all over. At the end of things I _still_ didn't have a home. Heaving a sigh of my own I gave the Hobbit a pat on the back before standing.

"It's your choice, Bilbo. No one is going to make you go if you don't want, but the question is will you be able to live with yourself by always saying no?" I asked and he looked up at me with slightly wide eyes. Using my fake condition to my advantage I purposely used it in the guilt trip parents liked to use so much. "Do you think I'll ever get my memories back if I keep telling myself that I can't? You never know exactly what you're capable of until you try."

With those final words I left the Hobbit to his thinking to rejoin the Dwarves in the sitting room. I was feeling quite proud of myself for sounding all wise when talking with the Hobbit, but it was forgotten almost immediately when I rounded a corner and ran smack dab into another solid being. I missed who I ran into completely as I stood rubbing my nose, which had effectively collided with their chest, and grumbled curses to myself.

It was only after I had finally opened my eyes to see who it was that I felt fear and embarrassment make an awkward love child in my stomach. Standing before me with a dark eyebrow raised was none other than Thorin Oakensheild himself. I couldn't help but gawk like a scared sheep at the taller Dwarf even as a small smirk played at his lips. If I wasn't so shell-shocked, I think I would have swooned and fainted.

"U-um…" I mumbled dumbly as he continued to stare. "Hi. I-I mean sorry." His eyebrow rose a little higher.

He didn't say anything for a while as he just watched me with those beautiful blue eyes that turned my insides to jelly. I wanted to run and hide and find Fili and Kili, but at the same time just stare into those eyes forever. I had to blink myself back to reality when I saw him open his mouth to speak.

"I don't imagine you know if you have any skills in fighting either, Miss Poppy," he said. It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

Of course I did, but I couldn't tell him that so I just shrugged my shoulders. "Nope. No idea."

"Did you have nothing in your possession from before your memory was taken?"

_Dude, you have no idea. I didn't even wake up in the same body_.

"Well, considering the first thing I remember was waking up nude in a forest, I'll take a gamble and say that is a negative."

I almost wanted to smack myself in the forehead at my snarky and inappropriate words. This guy was a future king for fuck's sake! I had more sense than to talk to him like that. And about something as inappropriate as nudity too.

Thorin however seemed to find it amusing and the small smile he had grew the tiniest bit. Even his eyes twinkled softly. Swoon.

"I see why my nephews have taken such a liking to you," he chuckled and with no other choice I gave an awkward laugh of my own. But Thorin's lighthearted demeanor was wiped away as quickly as it had shown up as he leveled me with a serious stare. "I'm sure you are aware of the dangers this quest will endeavour?" I hesitated at his words, but still managed a nod. "Then I shall inform you that I cannot guarantee that you will live."

I almost gulped nervously at the thought before I remembered that I had already died once. As shitty as it would be to die again, I couldn't really bring myself to fully care either.

To Thorin I gave a shrug of nonchalance. "I've already signed the contract. If I die, I die. Just try not to let anything eat me after 'cause, you know, that would really suck."

Just as I had done with Bilbo I gave the Dwarf a smile and slid past him to attempt, yet again, to join the other Dwarves who by now had all congregated into the sitting room. I coughed the moment I entered the room due to all the smoke, but was able to find a spot near the entrance. Apparently Thorin had been on his way there as well and the moment after I leaned my short frame against the wall he was walking past me to join his group of Dwarves as well, his pipe already out and being lit with a match.

It was when he was settled in front of the fireplace, his pipe billowing a small stream of smoke that the Dwarves collectively began to hum, their deep baritones blending together in a way that cause shivers to run up my spine. It was one of those tunes that calmed you but at the same time didn't make you want to sleep and listen instead. It was dark and sad, yet filled with the strength of the Dwarves that it came from.

And then Thorin began to sing, his tone low and melodious and mixing with his fellow Dwarves' voices so smoothly it was incredible.

_Far over the misty mountains cold,_

_To dungeons deep and caverns old._

_We must away, 'ere break of day,_

_To find our long forgotten gold._

_The pines were roaring on the height,_

_The winds were moaning in the night._

_The fire was red, it flaming spread,_

_The trees like torches blazed with light._

During the song the rest of the Dwarves gradually joined until it was an echoing symphony of deep tones and sorrowful tunes. I was almost sad that I didn't know the words so that I could join in too, but at the same time I enjoyed listening to it as it was sung. As sad as the story the song told was, it filled me with pride to call myself a Dwarf more than I ever thought it would. These men were strong, that much was obvious, but like any other being they needed a place to call home and theirs had been taking by a dragon. I felt privileged to be able to join them, but at the same time inadequate since I had no weapons or skills to fight. Maybe I could use a frying pan like Rapunzel.

Their song continued for some time, rising and falling with rumbling hums. Eventually when it had all faded into the silence of the room it was all quiet as everyone stared at Thorin or closed their eyes with wistful smiles, pipes still burning. I felt the need to give someone a hug after it was all over, but thought better of it immediately after the thought occurred.

Thorin was the one to break the silence as he dumped the ashes of his pipe weed into the embers of the fire. "Everyone get some sleep. We rise at first light to begin our journey," he ordered softly as he looked at each Dwarf who had slowly stood from their seats to gather in front of their leader. I had moved in closer as well, but remained near the back.

With those final words, pipe weed was being snuffed out or dumped into the fire and before long the floor was covered in Dwarves as they settled down for the night. The chairs and carpet adorning the sitting room were filled and even some of the hallway benches. It seemed they had no problems with sleeping on uncomfortable things.

I myself had been dragged off to a corner by Fili and Kili who insisted I take the last armchair while they took the ground. I didn't even have a chance to protest before I was being shoved into the cushioned object and had a thin blanket covering me with two chuckling brothers on either side. With a huff I accepted it and only had to squirm around a little bit to find a comfortable position.

Now, sleeping in the same room as Dwarves was a lot more difficult than I would have thought it to be. Yes, I was tired –no thanks to my alcohol consumption –but it was really hard to sleep when almost every single Dwarf managed to snore louder than a troublesome five-year-old blowing a trumpet in your ear. Normally I could fall asleep no problem, despite any noise, but this… This was ridiculous. How the hell was I supposed to sleep when I had thirteen snoring Dwarves crowded around me?

I could already tell this adventure was going to be a painstakingly long one.

After two hours of trying to fall asleep I finally gave up and rose from my chair with a grumble. Grabbing the blanket I had I draped it over the nearest Dwarf without one, who happened to be Ori, and began to shuffle out of the room tiptoeing around Dwarves until I reached the hall. When I was clear of anything bearded I might step on I released the breath I was apparently holding and slipped as quietly as I could to the round door that was the only exit or entrance from Bilbo's home.

I had hardly gotten the door open when a deep voice practically scared me out of my skin. "Where are you going?"

Gasping, I spun around to come face to face with Thorin yet again. Unlike before he didn't have a smile or an amused glint to his eyes; in fact he looked almost angry as he stared at me. Allowing my heartbeat to calm back down to a normal pace –as normal as it could get with him around –I managed a shrug.

"I couldn't sleep," was my hardly helpful reply.

"Nor I," He said. "Though that does not answer my question."

"Right," I laughed softly. "I was just going to go back to Hyacinthe's to get my things. I figured if I couldn't sleep I might as well get my stuff now instead of having to do it in the morning." Thorin didn't say anything for a while and I became nervous. "That is ok… right?"

There was a small pause before he gave a short nod then without warning moved passed me to open the door himself and gesture me to follow him. My eyebrow shot up my forehead in confusion, but I didn't question him as he began to follow me down the little path back down The Hill. It was silent for a long time while I fiddled with the hem of my shirt before I turned to look at him.

"You didn't have to come, you know. Hobbiton's not exactly a breeding ground for danger. Even at night."

"I will admit that I am curious," he said as a reply and ignored my statement altogether.

I blinked at that. "About what?"

"This place. I have never been here. You offer me the opportunity to explore it." He then looked at me from the side and I had to fight the blush that rose on my cheeks. "And you. Dwarf women are uncommon at best and yet here Gandalf finds you amongst Hobbits."

I gave a nervous chuckle as we rounded the bend that led to Hyacinthe's little hole on the edge of the forest she had found me in. I tried not to think too much on his statement about my being here, or about Dwarf women. "Trust me; I'm just as confused as you are." _More than you know_.

"I would imagine so."

Upon approaching the hole Thorin didn't have to be asked to stay at the gate while I slipped inside to grab the sac that Cinthia and I had left in the cellar and fought the urge to wake the old Hobbit and say a final goodbye. I didn't know when I'd see her again, or even if I would live at all to do so, but I purposely shook the thought out of my head as I exited the hole to saddle up Sir Hoover. Thorin had joined me by the time I made it over to the small stable, but didn't say a word until the animal was saddled and had my things strapped onto him. It was when I was leading the pony back up The Hill to Bilbo's when he spoke again.

"I did not see a weapon amongst your things," he commented. I chanced a glance at him, but he only stared ahead of us as we walked along the path, ours and Sir Hoover's steps occupying the silence.

"I made sure to put a kitchen knife in one of the sacs earlier," I told him and the Dwarf turned to me with a somewhat surprised look. Laughing, I couldn't help but smile at him. "What? I'm not a complete idiot. I might have no memory, but I'm not so stupid to think there aren't things that can kill me out there." He still didn't say anything, but had returned his gaze back in front of us. "Besides, there are no forges in Hobbiton. I couldn't get a sword even if I had the money to."

"Could you not have taken the axe instead?" he finally asked.

I gave another shrug my head bowing slightly to stare at the ground as we walked. "Cinthia might be old, but she's sweet. I have already accepted enough from her, taking the axe would feel like stealing. Everything I have with me is from her and it's enough," I replied.

It was silent except for our steps back up The Hill. When we had finally reached Bilbo's home once again I finally caught sight of the mark that Thorin had spoken of earlier. It was small and glowed a kind of blue that put neon to shame. Its shape was unfamiliar to me, but if I had to guess I'd say it was something Dwarfish or at the very least similar to the runes that I had once seen in a museum.

I tied Sir Hoover's reigns to Bilbo's fence just next to the gate and Thorin waited at the door for me as I did so. I was a little surprised he didn't just go in without me and leave me to my own devises, but I didn't complain either. It gave me more of a chance to ogle the more than exceptional beauty that was him. When we had re-entered the hole, I was immediately met with snores of varying tone and noise level and couldn't stop the scowl that crossed my features. At my side, I could hear Thorin chuckle lightly.

"Get used to it. It's a long way to Erebor," he said, his voice still light and airy.

"Ugh," I moaned. At the look on his face I blushed and hoped to god that the darkness hid it. "Sorry. I've been around Hobbits and they don't snore. I can't imagine how Cinthia felt when I first began to stay with her. If I sound anything like these guys, it's a wonder she got any sleep at all."

Thorin chuckled again and I found I liked the sound just as much as I liked everything else about him. As we approached the sitting room where we were all currently staying I eyed the contract that sat on a small side table next to the fireplace. Gandalf had insisted that we leave it for Bilbo to sign, his mind set on the idea that the Hobbit would join us eventually. Turning to Thorin I voiced a question that I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer to. Especially not from him.

"Do you think he'll come?" I asked softly. I don't know why, it's not like any of the Dwarves would wake up. A tornado could hit and they'd still be asleep, I think.

The previous smile that Thorin had graced me with only a few moments ago was completely gone after my question and his eyes followed mine to glance at the folded piece of paper that could just barely be seen from the light of the moon outside the window. His body language gave no indication as to what he was thinking, but his expression gave him away entirely. He was hoping Bilbo would keep to his word and stay here.

"He cannot fight," he answered finally after a while of staring. His blue gaze drifted away from the paper to look at my frown.

"Neither can I," I pointed out.

"You have the common sense to bring a weapon with you no matter its size or original purpose; I doubt the Hobbit would think of that. You are also a Dwarf. Hobbits are not meant for the kinds of things we do; traveling, fighting," he drawled, his words just as biting as his deep tone in the silent air. "Even Dwarf women have the strength to fight. Mr. Baggins will not last much longer than a babe without a mother."

"Can you tell the future?" I suddenly blurted. I had heard enough of him putting down the Hobbit. As much as I felt Thorin had a point, I couldn't help but get a little testy at his demeaning words. Sure, Bilbo and most other Hobbits I had met in the past month enjoyed their peaceful life, but I'd bet my left leg that Bilbo was the only one who would ever consider joining a quest. I had seen the curiosity on his face while the Dwarves spoke about Erebor and the dragon. All of it scared him as much as it scared me, the only difference was that I had accepted the fact that I might die and he hadn't.

"No," Thorin replied in confusion to my question, his dark eyebrows knitting above his nose as if the question was incredulous.

"Then how do you know he won't last?" Thorin didn't answer and instead glared, not at me in particular, but probably at the fact that he didn't have a real answer. "I think he'll surprise us."

"We shall see," the Dwarf rumbled out in a barely held back growl before he began backing away from the entrance to the sitting room. "I suggest you attempt to rest, Miss Poppy." With that he turned and went back to wherever he had been resting before without another word. I raised an eyebrow and shook my head in confusion before making my way stealthily back to my armchair. It seemed like no matter what world or afterlife you were in, men were all the same.

Settling down back onto my chair I allowed a yawn to escape me and as my eyes shut I tuned out the loud snores of the other Dwarves as sleep took me into its sweet embrace.


	6. Chapter 6

The morning to the start of our little adventure was not as pleasant as I was hoping it would be. I expected to wake up with the sun in my eyes and birds chirping happily through the open window. I expected a hot morning meal to be prepared just waiting for me and my new companions to stuff our faces like chipmunks. I did not expect, however, that I would be roughly shaken awake by a pair of madly grinning Dwarves.

I had peacefully been asleep only for a few hours after returning with Thorin last night, despite the snores from the Dwarves littering the little Hobbit hole. Which is why I wasn't in the slightest good mood when Fili and Kili had decided it would be their job to grab my shoulders and shake me like a toddler handling a new toy. It had startled me so much that I had jumped wide awake with eyes as large as saucers and a small shriek on my lips thinking there was an earthquake only to find the brothers laughing like it they were just witness to the funniest thing they had ever seen. I didn't even try to hide my glare as I shuffled to a standing position while they grinned like mischievous children.

"Took you long enough," teased Fili when I had stretched and effectively popped almost every joint in my body. "We thought you'd never wake up."

"I thought we would have to have Master Dwalin come help us," added Kili. I scowled at him as he shared an amused chuckle with his blonde brother. Just the thought of the intimidatingly large Dwarf trying his hand at waking me up made me shiver. I could just imagine how terrified I'd be.

"You could have been a tad gentler, you know," I grumbled, my one hand coming up to rub at my sore neck. The position I had slept in wasn't kind to it.

"Now, where would be the fun in that?" asked Kili with a cheeky smile. I decided they were entirely too awake for me right now and chose to ignore them completely as I stumbled away from the pair and to the dining room where most of the Dwarves had already gathered for a morning meal. On my way I took a glance out the window only to find it was still relatively dark; only the reds and oranges of sunrise could be seen beginning to light the sky.

Breakfast was incredibly small compared to the meal the rest of us had shared the evening before and in all honesty I was surprised there was anything left after we had ransacked Bilbo's pantry. The Dwarves chattered quietly to each other as they passed around small baskets of rolls and plates of sausages. Dori was even passing out tea to his fellow companions who either sneered at it or drank it in one hearty gulp. When I entered I was greeted with large smiles and an invitation to sit and I did so with no further prompting beside Bofur and his brother.

Breakfast was short however because Gandalf insisted we clean the mess we all made the night before. He was adamant in the fact that as guests we should respect Bilbo enough to leave his house in the same condition as it was before we had piled in, minus the food of course. Shortly after his proclamation, Thorin ordered that as soon as we were finished we would head off.

Grumbles could be heard, but otherwise the Dwarves didn't protest as much as I thought they would. The mess wasn't as bad as I had originally assumed though with chairs having to be replaced where they had been found and dried mud having to be swept out. One of the Dwarves had even gone into the bathroom to clean up a mess I'd rather not think about.

While we cleaned and tidied the little house my eyes kept drifting over to Bilbo who lay curled up on the end of his little bed fast asleep. Part of me was tempted to go over and wake him up and ask him one last time to join us, but the other part of me wanted to leave him alone. The latter was the side that won out because, with a frown of disappointment, I continued my cleaning and left the Hobbit to his slumber.

By the time the sun had risen enough in the sky to cast a warm light through the windows we were already off. While the cleaning had been taking place Thorin had ordered Fili and Kili to prepare the ponies that they had left on the edge of Hobbiton, much to their delight, and after departing from Bilbo's home the company of Dwarves and a Wizard began their trek back down The Hill to meet the two younger Dwarves. I had untied Sir Hoover from the fence and now led him at my side as we tromped down the dirty path.

Gandalf, who had for some reason decided to walk at my side, smiled brightly at me. "I am glad you decided to join us, my dear," he said, his breath hitching only slightly with the effort of walking. His staff thudded at his side as he hobbled next to me, his withered hand lifting his robes just off the ground so he wouldn't trip.

"Me too," I agreed after a moment with a smile of my own. "As nice as it is here I think I'll be happy to leave. It's almost too quiet for my liking."

Gandalf let out a booming laugh that almost made me jump. As it was, a few of the Dwarves looked back at us with raised eyebrows. "Indeed. Such is the way with Dwarves," he chuckled after his laughter had calmed down a little. "Their need for adventure always astounds me yet it does not surprise me in the slightest."

"That's a bit of a contradiction," I commented dryly and heard the Wizard chuckle again.

Our conversation was ended as we rounded the last bend to the small bridge that crossed over a stream. On the other side were Fili and Kili with sixteen ponies and one regular sized horse milling about munching on the tall green grass and little weeded flowers. The Dwarves wasted no time in mounting the animals with Thorin's deep baritone ordering them to make haste. Soon we were all mounted and off in single file, Thorin in the lead of course, through the trees that lined all the way around Hobbiton.

It wasn't long before the grumbles and sour complaints of annoyance began to rise up amongst the men. Most of them weren't happy for the delay it took for them to go to Hobbiton only to leave without the burglar they had intended. Some were even placing bets and wagers on whether or not Bilbo would still show up. Although I knew they were mostly angered that Bilbo had not joined as he was supposed to I couldn't help but feel a little offended that it seemed they had forgotten my presence almost completely. What was I, chopped liver? I joined them, didn't?

Fili, who had taken a spot on my left side, seemed to notice my frown. "Cheer up, Poppy. Think of it this way, now _you_ are our burglar," he said, a bright smile forming underneath his braided moustache.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Joy. My goal in life," I muttered sourly. I was really hoping Bilbo would join the Company because, after all, the story I had been thrown into was in fact called _The Hobbit_ and it was obvious I wasn't a Hobbit. My being here might have screwed up the entire story and I didn't know what to do. I felt the panic in my chest constrict and for a moment I almost felt like crying.

_Maybe if I said no to Gandalf Bilbo would be here instead of me like he was supposed to be._

"Awe, don't be so down, lass," said Bofur as he rode up on my other side, his never wavering smile still in place. "Now you don't have to share the last fourteenth of the treasure with Mr. Baggins."

"That's under the impression I don't die on this little escapade," I deadpanned. Despite my unamused expression both Fili and Bofur laughed.

"Don't you worry about that. We'll keep you safe, won't we, lad?" the Dwarf with the funny hat looked across me to the much younger blonde one on my opposite side.

"Aye, that we will," he agreed with a nod. My bad mood temporarily forgotten, I laughed.

"Well, boys, if you teach me to fight, you won't have to worry about little old me."

The Dwarves seemed to think it over for a moment before Fili gave a small approving nod. "That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea. It's settled then," the blonde said with a grin the size of… Well, something quite large. "We shall be your knew masters at arms."

Unable to withhold my snarky attitude, my face scrunched up into a teasing scowl. "I don't know whether to be honored or scared. Scared sounds like the more appropriate response," I replied and watched as both Fili and Bofur laughed in a way that reminded me of hyenas. "Yup. I'm going to lose a finger, I know it."

"Come now, lass, we're fantastic teachers!" Bofur assured. When I gave him a disbelieving look he returned it with a lopsided grin and a half-assed shrug. "Well, for the most part."

I snorted as Bofur moved ahead of us to ride alongside another Dwarf. At his departure Kili took his place while Fili chuckled beside me. Looking between the two smiling brothers I frowned. "Please tell me he's a great warrior and that I'll come out of this with both hands."

"He's actually a toy maker," Kili told me matter-of-factly. I felt my shoulders slump.

"You're joking."

The dark haired Dwarf shook his head, the smile he shared with his brother not faltering. "Not in the least. Bofur is the most skilled toy maker in Ered Luin. But he wields a weapon just as well as the rest of us," he explained as we watched the thickly accented Dwarf laugh uproariously where he had placed himself beside Nori.

"That makes me feel so much better."

My sarcastic remark went forgotten as a tiny voice could be heard shouting from behind us. The Company slowed to a stop, ponies whinnying in annoyance as they did so and turned in their saddles to watch as the Hobbit we had left behind came darting between the trees. He held the contract in his hand, unfolded and waving in the wind his momentum created. Mutters and mumbles sprouted up as Bilbo himself came to a stop beside where Balin had stopped his horse, a wide tired smile on his tiny face.

"I signed it," he declared proudly, handing the contract to the white haired Dwarf. Balin gave him a sideways glance before pulling out some sort of mini magnifying glass to look over the paper in much the same way he had after I had signed. From between the brothers I smiled brightly, the worry I had previously felt immediately disappearing as soon as I saw the Hobbit.

"Everything appears to be in order," observed Balin as he moved his eyes from the paper to smile at Bilbo. "Welcome, Master Baggins, to The Company or Thorin Oakensheild." Folding the contract in his lap, the old Dwarf winked at the smaller man who couldn't contain his excitedly relieved grin. Light chuckles and laughter erupted amongst the Hobbit apart from the dark haired leader at the front of the line who I noticed almost seemed to frown in disdain as he turned his pony and spurred him on.

"Give him a pony," Thorin called over his shoulder, his tone gruff.

Immediately Bilbo's smile fell and he began to protest. "No, no. No, t-that won't be necessary, thank you," he stuttered. He continued to mumble something else, but he was completely ignored as both Fili and Kili rode up along either of his sides and hoisted him onto one of the ponies that had the least amount of provisions strapped to it. The poor Hobbit cried out in surprise and I laughed with the rest of the Dwarves as he was settled into the saddle awkwardly.

Looking over my shoulder as the brothers returned to my side I couldn't help but smile at the disdain and obviously uncomfortable look on Bilbo's face as he held the reigns of the pony awkwardly in front of him. Even I didn't feel that awkward. Gandalf had fallen back to ride with the Hobbit, probably to add some form of familiarity and comfort.

I had just gotten back into a conversation with Fili and Kili about the most random things when I could hear a few Dwarves calling out to each other and had to dodge a small leather sac that would have collided with my forehead otherwise. They were paying up on their bets it seemed.

I had managed to dodge several more when The Company for the second time in the span of the last ten minutes were stopped again no thanks to Bilbo. "Stop!" he called sounding almost desperate. "Stop! We have to turn around."

"What on earth is the matter?" asked the Wizard beside him in exasperation. The Hobbit was fumbling around searching his pockets, his little face drawn back in worry.

"I forgot my handkerchief," he squeaked. A few groans were heard and I wanted to smack my forehead, but instead just rolled my eyes. _Such a homebody._

"Here. Use this," offered Bofur from ahead of them as he tore something from his shirt. Even from where I sat at a small distance away I could see how dirty it was and scrunched up my nose at the sight. He tossed it back to the Hobbit who caught it with a similar look of disgust as my own and I watched as he gave it a small sniff, the look deepening. The Company continued on at Thorin's prompting, the Dwarves in attendance giving a few laughs while they shook their heads in amusement.

The rest of the day continued like that; teasing was thrown around from Dwarf to Dwarf as was expected. I found myself joining in once in a while, but it was a lot easier just to stick around Fili and Kili who caused me to laugh at their antics. It almost seemed like they made it their goal to get me to smile and it was working. Fili made funny faces at me, scrunching up his expressions in comical ways and teased Kili for his lack of facial hair. That in itself had started a war of witty and sarcastic insults that had me almost falling off Sir Hoover in uncontrollable laughter.

I could tell not all of the other Dwarves approved of us fooling around like we were, if Dori and Gloin's angered threats were any indication, but it seemed that the brothers were immune to their heated glares and muttered curses. They, with the exception of Bofur, seemed to be the only ones that remained just as joyous and rowdy as they had the night before at Bilbo's dinner table.

In other news, I still stared at Thorin's back like a petty teenager stalking Robert Pattinson on the street. As he was at the front of the line I hardly had a chance to see his beautiful face –sad, I know –so settled for watching him as often as I dared. With his nephews constantly at my side I tried my best not to let on my fascination for the stoic Dwarven leader for fear of being on the receiving end of their good natured teasing.

By the time we had stopped for the night we had already passed through woods and by rivers. Just after passing down a Cliffside and across a wide grassy plane, we found ourselves on yet another cliff where Thorin deemed it appropriate to camp. Whenever the brothers had calmed down enough for me to take in my surroundings I was constantly in awe of what was around me. The trees, which were much taller than they would have seemed if I was my original height, towered over us as we passed beneath their bows and the hilly terrain we had crossed left miles for the imagination. When we had finally stopped, night's darkness had already fallen an hour before, but it was obvious that we were on a cliff if the even darker chasm pooling just beyond the edge was any indication.

In no time at all we, with the exception of Thorin, huddled around a fire that Bofur had made just in front of a small rock overhang. Bombur set to work with making dinner, much to my growling beast of a stomach's delight, and quiet chatter filled the slightly chilled damp air. I attempted, and failed, to communicate with Bifur again, but the growling harshness of his language constantly threw me off and I was no good at all at charades. I was somewhat relieved when the food was finally being served and the Dwarf was distracted with stuffing his face.

"I think he's taken quite a liking to you, lass," commented Bofur as he handed me my plate of sausages and bread with a wide grin. "Not often I see him trying so hard to talk to someone."

Despite myself I felt a light blush creep up my cheeks and the Dwarf laughed. To try and find a change to the subject I glanced around our little circle to find Thorin missing. Immediately my eyes scanned the area and found his stoic form standing near the cliff's edge, hefty arms crossed over his broad chest. His eyes were turned away from the rest of The Company as he stared out into the darkness of the night. As his back was to me I couldn't see the look on his face.

Turning back to Bofur I nudged his arm gently to catch his attention as he stuffed a large chunk of bread into his mouth. He turned to me, crumbs falling and being caught in his beard while he chewed and watched me with curious eyes. Nodding my head in gesture to Thorin, I voiced my question, disregarding Bofur's horrible table manners. "Isn't he going to join us?" I asked.

The Dwarf followed my line of site to rest on our leader and took a few more moments to chew and swallow before replying. "He's not a very social soul, unlike myself," was his flamboyant reply. Setting down his plate he fixed another one up quickly before a hungry Bombur, who was already on his second helping, could grab any more of it. He then held the plate out to me. "Why don't you go take this to him? He's not going to eat otherwise."

I raised an eyebrow at this, but shrugged it off a moment later. I'd take any chance I'd get to stare at Thorin's handsome face, as creepy as that sounded.

Rising from my seat I took both mine and Thorin's plates and parted myself from the laughing chatter of the group. Thorin had moved to sit on a rock close to the edge, his eyes still glued to the darkness, and I could see the grim expression on his face. His hands rested in his lap, but he looked tense –in fact he _always_ looked tense –and his brow was set into an almost deep frown.

He must have heard me approach –because there was no way I was that quiet –but he paid my presence no mind until I was right beside him, the plate Bofur had loaded up extended out to him. Slowly he ripped his eyes away from ahead of him and turned to look into mine before traveling down to the food. He did not take it right away so I cleared the nerves from my throat and managed a smile that I hoped didn't seem maniacal.

"Bofur told me that you wouldn't eat unless you had something brought to you," I said. My voice was quiet and I cursed at my weakness. This Dwarf was entirely too much for me to handle and he hadn't even _done_ or _said_ anything yet.

His oceanic eyes, which were darker now in the night, flashed back to mine before he reached out a large hand to take the plate. He didn't say a word or give any indication of thanks. In fact he almost seemed to ignore me completely as he turned away again and it caused a sudden spark of annoyance and anger to flare up in my chest. Why was he being so withdrawn and moody all of a sudden? Last night he had been almost gallant and gentlemanly, now he was _this._

I could only let him get away with so much due to his good looks. I was a complete idiot when it came to a pretty face, but if that pretty face got on my nerves, I tended to let my temper get the best of me. With Thorin it was no different. Future King or not, I didn't take kindly to people who didn't give thanks when I knew it was warranted. If he expected people to cater to him or hang on his every word when he wasn't even a King yet, then he needed to learn some damn manners.

Unable to stop myself, I raised a sarcastic eyebrow at him, my now empty hand falling to rest on my hip in the ever popular 'bitch stance'. "Um, a thank you would be nice," I snapped. His gaze shot back to mine with no small amount of surprise from where they had previously wondered off to his food. I saw the heat in his eyes even in the dim light and immediately stuttered, another blush rising over my cheeks. My temper was shot down into the dirt by my conscience suddenly ringing the alarm bell in my head and suddenly my wits returned. What the hell was wrong with me? This guy was a King! "Oh my god, I'm sorry! That was so rude!"

I gawped and stuttered and hummed some more like a fish out of water while Thorin eyed me with a small glare. Finally, when surely I had embarrassed myself to the point of needing to be slapped, I simply shuffled away, tripping slightly over my own feet in the process. Without another glance at the Dwarf King I scurried back over to the fire to place myself between Bofur and Bifur once more who was ignorant to my blush as I stuffed my face with the contents of my plate. When my embarrassment had passed I joined in on many of the other conversations circling around the group to distract myself from the intense burning I felt on my back from Thorin's eyes on me.

_Just great. I probably just pissed off the most powerful and intimidating Dwarf, besides Dwalin, in this whole Company and it's only been a day._

I hid my groan of self-loathing behind the lip of my water canteen as I took a sip. It was when I heard the crunching of dirt behind me as someone approached that I immediately stiffened causing me to choke. Beside me Bifur reached a burly hand over to slap my back as I coughed and sputtered. None of the other Dwarves, or Hobbit or Wizard, had left the circle which meant it could only be one person. The noise of the group dulled to nothing as each Dwarf set their eyes on the one behind me.

I could almost feel the vibration in my chest before the words left his lips. "Fili, Kili, you have first watch. Dwalin and Bombur will relieve you for second," he said, his low timbre leaving no room for argument, not that anyone would of course. His nephews nodded in agreement at their uncle's order.

Without another word the Dwarf retreated yet again into his seclusion, but this time there was not as much chatter. After Thorin's commands it seemed to be a unanimous decision to call it a night. Bedrolls were spread out onto the few grassy patches that could be found and those that were unfortunate to have rock, a.k.a me, were at least lucky enough to huddle by the warm fire.

I had placed myself by the brothers, subconsciously clinging to their side in fear of their uncle. My back was to the wall of the small stone structure, my head resting just by Kili's feet on top of an extra rolled up cloak as a pillow and my front welcomed the warmth of the still crackling yet low fire. Other Dwarves said their goodnights and all that as pipes were snuffed out into the fire or with their thickly padded thumbs.

It wasn't long until the snores started. I had just managed to get comfortable as there was a little lump of stone digging into my shoulder, when the first loud snore resounded around us followed by many more. A half groan, half sigh escaped me and I ignored Fili and Kili's snickers of amusement at my annoyance. I managed to lift my cloak enough to hold it against my ears and block out the sound and fell into a light yet satisfying doze.


	7. Chapter 7

That was, of course, until the screeching started.

I had almost been asleep. I had almost been to dream land. I had almost managed to ignore the snores and Fili and Kili's quiet murmurs enough to find rest.

But the screeching startled me out of my dozing state and sparked a fear I'd never felt before. The terror I'd felt when waking up in this godforsaken place was nothing compared to the aching fear that slowly spread from my core to the tips of my fingers and toes. I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe; my lungs felt like they had a life of their own, clenching and convulsing… It caused my panic to reach the point of me jumping up to huddle against Kili's side and look around with wild eyes.

To the Dwarf's credit, he managed to make me feel at least a little safe and secure by lifting a hand to pat reassuringly at my shoulder before bringing it around my upper back to pull me into him even closer for a short embrace. He let me go a moment later making me feel a chill once again, but offered him a smile of thanks and he nodded in return. Unwilling to move away from him completely I continued to huddle into his side, my fear slowly subsiding. Then I noticed Bilbo beyond the glow of the fire, his light curly hair slightly shining in the moonlight as he stood by the pony he had ridden.

"What was that?" he asked in a hushed tone, a small finger pointing over the canyon as he looked at Kili who had looked up from playing with his pipe when another –louder –scream sounded.

"Orcs," he replied after a moment of scanning his eyes over the darkness.

The Hobbit was shuffling over to us closer to the fire and the fear I saw on his face probably matched what I had felt when I first awoke to the sounds. "Orcs?"

"Throat cutters," Fili explained nonchalantly. I looked passed Kili to look at the blonde Dwarf who sat leisurely smoking his pipe with slightly hooded eyes. Orcs were those ugly things that ate people, right? "There will be dozens of them out there. The Lowlands are crawling with them."

"They strike in the wee small hours when everyone's asleep," continued Kili, his body shifting slightly when he waved his hand in gesture. "Quick and quiet, no screams. Just lots of blood."

Mine and Bilbo's eyes widened and as the Hobbit turned back around to stare fearfully around us I pressed myself closer to the Dwarf next to me so much I thought I'd knock him over if I pushed anymore. I was just beginning to tremble under my cloak when I heard the brothers start to chuckle quietly, Kili's body shaking because of it.

They-! Were they laughing at us? At our fear? Immediately my eyes hardened and I suddenly pulled away from my false source of comfort like I had just been told he had cooties, my head snapping up to glare at the dark haired Dwarf.

I couldn't decide if I wanted to punch them or yell at them until I was red in the face and I was about to do both just for the hell of it, but Thorin beat me to the punch. "You think that's funny?" he scolded, his voice low. The brothers quieted, their amused expressions turning to ones of guilt. I felt a little satisfaction at that. "You think a night raid by Orcs is a joke?"

Thorin had moved from his spot where I had left him on the rocks at Dinner to cross in front of Bilbo –where the Hobbit stood looking between the Dwarves in confusion –and passed by the fire, staring at his nephews with such a harsh glare even I could feel its intensity. His glares made you feel like a child again and I'm sure that's how the boys felt as they lowered their heads, unable to look their uncle back in the eye. My anger towards them was momentarily forgotten as I felt pity for them at being on the receiving end of one of Thorin's glares. They weren't pleasant at all.

"We didn't mean anything by it," Kili mumbled.

"No, you didn't," Thorin bit back in a growl. I flinched at the harshness even though it wasn't directed at me. "You know nothing of the world."

The Dwarf leader then stomped away to stand with his back to us as he faced the ponies, his hands clasping behind his back. Balin, who was apparently still awake –as was Gandalf who I had just noticed puffing his pipe against a gnarled tree farther away from us –approached the edge of the fire, a small frown on his wrinkled features. He lifted an arm to lean against the jutted rock and leveled the brothers with kind eyes.

"Don't mind him, laddie," he said to Kili whose eyes were still downcast. "Thorin has more cause than most to hate Orcs." Collectively all our eyes followed Thorin's back in curiosity.

"After the dragon took The Lonely Mountain, King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient Dwarf kingdom of Moria," the old Dwarf continued. "But our enemy had got their first. Moria had been taken by legions of Orcs, led by the most vile of all their race…" Here he paused and his frown deepened. "Azog the Defiler."

A chill that had nothing to do with the weather shot through my body and I shivered, shuffling closer to Kili once again. I heard the scratching of boots against rock and was barely aware of a few other Dwarves rousing from their sleep and gravitating towards the story being told. Pulling my cloak tighter around me, I felt Kili place his arm back around my shoulders for comfort and I forgot my earlier anger and accepted it. I had no doubt he felt the same shudder I had at just hearing the name.

"The giant Gundabad Orc had sworn to wipe out the Line of Durin. He began… by beheading the King." I couldn't help it that my eyes strayed toward Thorin at this. It was hard to tell through the thick fur and leather of his cloak, but it was obvious he could hear what Balin was saying if his tense shoulders were any indication. "Thrain, Thorin's father, was driven mad by grief. He went missing. Taken prisoner or killed, we did not know. We were leaderless. Defeat… and death were upon us."

Old Balin's head bowed for a moment, a small smile beginning to form as his voice dropped. "That is when I saw him." He glanced over at Thorin who still stood stiff then back to the Hobbit who was as enraptured by the story as much as I was. "A young Dwarf prince facing down The Pale Orc. He stood alone against this terrible foe. His armor rent, wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield." Tingles ran down my spine, my eyes still glued to the back of Thorin's head in awe. "Azog the Defiler learned that day that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken.

"Our forces rallied and drove the Orcs back. Our enemy was defeated. But there was no feast nor song that night… For our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived. And I thought to myself then… There is one who I could follow. There is one… I could call King."

At the end of Balin's tale the Dwarf looked over at his leader once again just as Thorin finally turned from staring at nothing and to his Company of Dwarves that had by this time all gathered and watched him in awe. I was only able to see a bit of Thorin between their burly figures, but I was able to catch the fleeting look on his face and it wasn't one I neither expected nor surprised to see.

He looked just about ready to cry. Tears had pooled in the corners of his eyes and his dark eyebrows were drawn together in sadness. For a brief moment he looked broken, alone… defeated. The flashes of that day were probably going around in his head as if he were reliving it and I felt a lump grow in my throat in pity and sadness for him. No matter how rude the man –Dwarf –was, I still felt for him; no one should have to live through that kind of pain, losing their family.

But as soon as I spotted all this he blinked and it was gone, his expression returning to the same mask of stone. He gave a slow incline of his head, his eyes meeting each of the Dwarves' that stood around him, then I noticed his shoulders slump as he lowered his chin to his chest ever so slightly as he began to walk back to his rock. The group of Dwarves parted for him without asking.

Bilbo, who had taken a seat on the other side of the fire from me, looked up at Balin curiously. "And The Pale Orc? What happened to him?"

Before Balin had a chance to answer, Thorin passed by behind the Hobbit. "He slunk back into the hole whence he came," he ground out. His head dipped to stare down at Bilbo and I felt my breath hitch slightly as his piercing gaze also grazed over me. "That _filth_ died of his wounds long ago."

~.~

Traveling in the wilderness was not as exciting as I had originally thought it to be after the first day. I myself felt very discontent more than ninety percent of the time. I had spent more than half my summers camping in tents with my family in the middle of nowhere, but nothing had ever caused me to be so completely and utterly miserable as I sometimes found myself feeling during this journey. Due to my inexperience in riding, the insides of my thighs chaffed more and more with every movement Sir Hoover made. The nights, which could be sickeningly cold at best, were uncomfortable and hard to sleep through because of the Dwarves' constant snoring –and farting. The only thing that seemed to cheer me up half the time it seemed was chatting with either Kili, Fili or Bofur or staring at the back of Thorin's head and even then I felt the twinge of constant annoyance inside me like a sickness.

The only thing that made me feel better about the entire situation was that the only one that seemed more out of sorts than me was Bilbo. He still held the reigns like he was about to lift them over his head like a necklace and his back was so stiff it was a wonder why he didn't complain of back pain amongst the other things I heard him muttering about half the time. I may have not been cut out for traveling like this, but this was completely out of the Hobbit's comfort zone.

It had been a week since Balin's story by the fire and it had been a week since I'd even attempted to interact verbally with Thorin. His stare still scared the knickers off me so whenever he didn't join us of his own volition at dinner or breakfast Bofur or Bombur –both for some reason had deemed me their Prince's personal waitress when he was too moody to join us himself –always sent me to him with a plate full of food. Each time I would groan and they would just laugh and send me to him anyway. The only thing I was good for was fetching wood, sewing up a few ripped patches of clothing and taking watch anyways and I had the need to make myself useful. Unfortunately that included being a maid to the most uncooperative person in a hundred miles. So instead of attempting to socialize with him –which as we all know turned out just _fantastic_ last time –I ended up avoiding his gaze whenever he looked at me and either thrust the plate in his hand or set it down beside him before scuttling away.

Other than him though, the rest of The Company were rather friendly –except for maybe Dwalin –and welcomed me into conversations and told me about their homes and stories that they knew. Bofur had even started to give me small lessons on how to speak Kazdúl so that I could properly start to interact with his brother. Some of the other Dwarves helped and laughed when I totally butchered it –it's very growly and rough, much harder to learn than you think –but they were surprisingly patient with me. Most of them were surprised that I couldn't speak Kazdúl, but when I reminded them of my 'amnesia' they seemed to accept it and move on.

Learning a new language wasn't the easiest or most fun thing to do though. Mix my frustration from my aches and pains of riding and trying to learn a language that included more hacking and gurgling than a chain smoker and you had one cranky she-Dwarf by the end of the day. As I mentioned before, my temper had only certain limits which was why Bofur –still with that damned cheery grin of his –limited our lessons to only half a day until I started getting further along with it. For that I was thankful. My throat felt sorer than it had since I had bronchitis when I was ten.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed myself too. Don't go thinking that I'm a prudy stuck up snob that didn't like the outdoors or the uncomfortable sleeping arrangements. In the moments that I found myself just sitting there, no Khuzdul or sword lessons, no joking around or attempting to fall asleep on Sir Hoover, I could just breathe in the fresh clean air and listen to the wind blow through the trees. I saw animals scurrying around just off the path we traveled and watched the beautiful scenery pass around me. The things I saw were hard to find in my world. Sure there were trees and unpopulated stretches of land, but they were all too far away and expensive for me to go to. And even those places, from what I had seen from pictures, could not compare to the beauty that I saw in this new strange world my afterlife was chosen to take place in.

It was one of those moments that I found myself completely calm and at ease, despite my aching muscles. Fili, Kili and Bofur had ridden ahead to talk and tease other members of the group and I gladly stayed behind to watch the trees go by. We had entered another forest about an hour before, these ones being much taller than I ever thought trees could get –but that might also have been because of my new short stature –and I found myself craning my head back to see if I could catch a glimpse of the very top. That had resulted in me getting a twig in the face, however, so I promptly turned back to the road ahead.

Of course, that didn't hold my attention for long –even if I was mostly just staring at the back of Thorin's head and his beautifully long raven locks –and after a few more minutes I began to braid Sir Hoover's mane in the smallest braids I could do just to make the time pass by faster. The pony, upon feeling me begin to tug at its grey thick strands, nickered and tossed its head back slightly. I scowled at the back of his head and tapped the side of his neck to reprimand him.

"Quit your whining. You won't look any less manly, I promise," I scolded and continued my work. The animal I was currently torturing almost seemed to understand what I said and huffed out of his nose. "Well, if you haven't noticed, these guys have more braids than I can count on two hands and they seem pretty badass to me. I think I'm doing you a favour."

I probably looked pretty crazy talking to a horse like another human being; even in this world I'd imagine it being strange, but whatever. What else is there for a bored girl, who was pretty sure she lost her marbles the moment she realized she died and transported to another world, to do?

Sir Hoover shook his head, successfully causing me to drop the braid I was working on and I grumbled in annoyance before taking it back up. "Jesus, you're worse than a little girl. I'll take them out later, I promise."

"Miss Poppy, are you… arguing with your pony?" came a timid and unsure voice from my left. Looking up I found Ori and a few other Dwarves watching me curiously. The poor guy beside me almost looked terrified as his gaze bobbed back and forth between me and the animal I sat upon.

"He's being _very_ unreasonable," I told him in exasperation, pointing at the back of the beast's head before continuing what I was doing. Sir Hoover gave a grunt.

Ori raised a dark eyebrow. "He's a pony…"

"Who apparently thinks he's too manly for braids," I huffed.

Ori looked stunned and unsure of what else to say. He even looked over at the other Dwarves close by, who consisted of his two brothers and Bombur, for help, but each of them shrugged. I kind of felt bad for scaring the guy like I was, but I didn't have the heart to care either. Let them think I'm crazy, better for this than them finding out I 'think' I'm from another world where I had to die to get here.

Sir Hoover's ears pinned themselves to his head and he shook my hands away again. With a groan of annoyance the braid I had in my hands fell away, and before crossing my arms over my chest I whipped out a hand to half hazardly swipe at the pony's dirty thick strands blowing slightly in the breeze. I then scowled at the back of his head. "Fine. Be that way, you little brat."

He nickered again, seemingly happy, and I stuck my tongue out at him like a petulant child.

I was bored again not ten seconds later.

So what did I do? I stared at the back of Thorin's head.

His beautifully dark head graced with thick wavy locks of coal and a few streaks of silver.

Hair that was so perfect it made me jealous.

Jesus, I'm attracted to and jealous of a man that's shorter than my seven-year-old cousin, Louis.

Come to think of it _I'm_ shorter than my seven-year-old cousin, Louis.

Hell, I'm shorter than his little sister, Maya.

...

Thorin has really pretty hair.

"Either you're plotting my uncle's demise or you are simply contemplating how many strands you can count from this distance."

I let out a little cry of shock when Fili's voice suddenly interrupted my obvious creeping session. The outburst of noise, that sounded ashamedly similar to some sort of dying animal, startled a few other Dwarves and most of them turned in their saddles to look at me –Thorin included. Beside me Fili laughed like he had just done pot for the first time, wiping tears from his eyes and his fat hand holding his belly as he leaned back in his saddle. My cheeks burned red hot in embarrassment and I avoided the gazes of the Dwarves, especially Thorin's whose was a little more narrowed than the others', as my hand shot out to smack the Dwarf beside me in an attempt to shut him up. That only succeeded in him laughing more.

It took several moments for him to gather his composure, but soon he had reduced his gales of laughter to light chuckles. He leaned somewhat closer, his voice lowered conspiratorially, and I could still hear the amusement in his tone. "I sincerely hope it's the latter."

"Shut up, Fili. Go terrorize Ori or something," I grumbled in reply.

"Not a chance, Miss Poppy. This is too much fun."

"For you, maybe." My embarrassed grumble was met with another bout of chuckles from the blonde Dwarf and I glared at him again. "Do you seriously have nothing better to do than bug people?"

The smirking man turned his eyes ahead of him, pointedly ignoring my exasperated stare. "Not really."

I heaved a sigh and also turned my gaze forward… Which led me to staring at the back of Thorin's head again.

Damnit, why was I such a creep?

"Correct me if I'm wrong, my friend, but I do believe you find my uncle appealing." I attempted to ignore the blonde, but was unable to when his next whisper was suddenly so close. "_Sexually_, if you catch my drift."

I let out another small shriek at Fili's soft tone next to my ear and batted him away, mouth agape like a fish out of water. I stuttered and sputtered at a loss for words. Finally, my unintelligent babbling created an unintelligent retort.

"I do not!" I protested childishly, my voice a harsh whisper to avoid being heard by the others. "And there was absolutely _no_ drift in that accusation! Jesus, what the hell is wrong with you?" Fili rolled his eyes and shook his head at me, a knowing smile gracing his bearded features.

"You lie. You've done nothing but stare at Thorin since the moment he walked through the Halfling's door," he responded, a light brow raising, daring me to challenge him. "Tell me I am wrong."

My scowl deepened before I turned away from him –and Thorin –completely to look at the passing trees. I wanted to keep denying it, but it was useless with someone like Fili. He didn't seem like the type that would give up easily and although I wasn't either, I knew when I had been beaten. As I stared at the trees, ignoring the Dwarf next to me almost entirely, I tried my hardest not to look at the topic of the conversation.

My silence only cemented Fili's suspicions and I heard him give a quiet triumphant chuckle, but luckily he didn't push the subject farther. Though I'm sure he was still smirking like the little jerk that he was. Glancing over at him, my own suspicion was confirmed as he gave me a knowing grin before trotting on ahead of me to join Kili who was laughing with Gloin. I glared at his back as my hand absent mindedly stroked Sir Hoover's neck, the soft hair feeling somewhat gritty from days in the wild against my now fatter fingers.

My eyes traveled down to my hands then to watch my fingers as they moved to brush through the pony's matted mane. "I am so happy you can't speak, buddy. I'm sure the shit that would come out of your mouth would be worse than his," I sighed to myself.

"I'm fairly certain that speaking to the pony more will unfortunately not prompt him to answer nor will it convince the members of this company that you are sane, my dear," came an aged voice from beside me. I gave another cry of surprise that seemed like the billionth time in the past few minutes. The Wizard turned his head to smile at me. "You gave Ori quite a fright."

Looking to the side that Fili had just recently vacated, I found Gandalf mounted on his chestnut steed. I ignored his comment and after giving a frustrated groan I dropped my hand from my chest where I had placed it over my rapidly beating heart in shock and I glared at the taller being. "What is with you people and scaring the hell out of me all the time? Jesus Christ…"

I saw Gandalf's bushy grey brows knit over his nose for a moment in confusion and almost slapped myself for mentioning the Christian Patriarch. _Damnit, Poppy, you're supposed to have amnesia, not a mental disorder!_ A second later the Wizard seemed to dismiss his confusion and smiled at me in a way a grandfather would. "Perhaps if you were more aware of your surroundings, scaring you would no longer be an issue."

"Yadda, yadda, yadda . Heard it all before. In case you haven't already noticed, I'm not the most attentive person."

"Then you must learn to be," he replied, his tone suddenly serious. I blinked up at him and watched as his smile had turned from carefree teasing to stern. A look a teacher would give their student. "The wild, especially the wilds of Middle Earth, require you to be on your guard. You never know what may be lurking in the shadows." His one eye squinted slightly as his head tilted curiously and he eyed me. "Though of course you wouldn't remember that, would you?"

The old bugger was smarter than I gave him credit for. He knew there was something off about me –it was obvious. I obviously didn't talk the same way the others did, accent or slang-wise, and the fact that I couldn't build a fire was apparently an odd thing. Bofur had joked that I must have been living in a tree my whole life –which I didn't entirely understand, what was so bad about living in a tree? –but had quickly been silenced by a scolding Balin. '_Shut your gob, Laddie. The Lass lost her memory, don't make it any worse for her than it already is,'_ he had snapped while he bumped a not so gentle palm over the toy maker's head.

"Nope," I finally replied to the Wizard even though his question was rhetorical. He hummed and turned away and the 'conversation', if you could have even called it that, was ended. We rode on in silence until Thorin called from the front that we were to rest for the remainder of the evening and night beneath a thick canopy of trees. I had heard Dwalin grumbling earlier that he could smell the impending rain in the air and that it was only a matter of hours before the sky opened up and spilled its contents. After hearing this I was dreading the coming night, but was now grateful our fearless leader had chosen this spot; I was beginning to worry I'd have the sniffles by morning. Or, you know, hypothermia or something.


	8. Chapter 8

Waking to the soft pitter-patter of rain wouldn't have been a bad thing if it hadn't have been for how damnably cold it was.

I was one of those kids that during a thunderstorm would run outside naked into the yard and dance until my skin was paler than an albino's and my lips were as purple as Barney. However, that was with a warm house and a cup of hot chocolate waiting for me when I got too cold. Now, it seemed the Gods were literally pissing on me as I shivered, already getting soaked to the bone with the steadily increasing downpour. My pants and tunic were clinging to my body like a second skin and the extra cloak Hyacinthe had given me did little to keep me warm or dry.

Grumbling like the Dwarf I had become, I sat up from my spot on the ground with a scowl. Most of the other Dwarves, Bilbo and Gandalf were still asleep, all them snoring loudly enough to rival a fire truck. Sighing, I curled my legs underneath my rump in an attempt to keep my cold toes warm and wrapped the damp cloaks around my shoulders even tighter, hunching them up to my ears as I pulled the brown and green hoods over my wild red hair.

It was still dark out and I was dead tired. My legs were sore, my ass was sore and my calf felt like it was about to cramp anytime soon, but there was no way I was going to be able to fall back asleep –not with this weather. Or the snoring. Or farting.

"You should be sleeping."

I supressed my urge to squeal like a startled pig at the deep voice that came from behind me. Whirling around I found Thorin not too far off from the resting Company, settled stoically on a boulder with his heavy black fur cloak over his shoulders and the hood pulled up obstructing part of his stone features. He wasn't looking at me, but it was obvious by his words that he knew I was awake.

Despite my fear of him, I stood from my spot next to Bofur and Bifur –who had insisted on sleeping near me –and made my way over to him, dodging snoring Dwarves as I went. The boulder was large enough for both of us to sit on and so I placed myself next to him about a foot away; far enough so there was no accidental touching. I noticed in his hand there was his pipe –he must have been smoking it before the rain had started. I thought it best not to comment on that when I saw the usual sour look on his face.

"So should you," I finally replied. The Dwarf King turned his head ever so slightly to look at me, his expression giving nothing away as to what he was actually feeling and I felt myself blush. This was the first time he had said anything to me since Bag End and I felt flustered. Especially when he was being somewhat civil, unlike the past few days since leaving Hobbiton.

I saw his eyebrow rise ever so slightly and somehow knew his implication. "I know Dwalin had second watch tonight and I'm pretty sure you're not him," I clarified with a nervous chuckle. His eyebrow rose higher. "And I'm pretty sure it's well into the second watch by now, there's no way I'd be this awake after only three hours of sleep. Then again it's raining. And cold. And everyone is snoring an-and _farting_ and it's just so _loud_. I guess I just can't sleep under these kinds of conditions. And I'm rambling; please stop me before I say something ridiculous."

"More ridiculous than usual?" the Dwarf obliged. As my gaze had wandered away from him during my word vomiting, I looked back at him expecting an annoyed look, but what I got was the slight upturn of his lips and a hint of amusement in his blue eyes. I smiled, my blush still present, and blinked away the water droplets that had accumulated on my lashes as I ducked my head.

"Yeah, more than usual," I agreed with a chuckle.

We sat in silence for a while after that. The only noise was the Dwarves a few feet away and the splattering of rain on the ground beneath our feet and the leaves above our heads. We probably sat like that for a good hour, not saying anything and surprisingly it wasn't uncomfortable like I thought it would be. This was the second time I had been completely alone with Thorin, no others to interrupt, and it was the second time he had treated me with something more than contempt or annoyance. He was almost… friendly.

"Have any memories returned to you yet, Miss Poppy?"

His question threw me off guard and I jumped only slightly at the sudden sound. Turning to him I didn't catch his gaze as he was staring off into the forest surrounding us, the moonlight just barely breaking through the canopy to shine on his face and light up his dark features. I paused for a moment wondering if I should tell him the truth –something about him made me trust him completely; maybe it was his instinctual kingly nature. I didn't know what it was or even why, but I felt I could tell him anything and he'd listen.

A moment later had me blinking away the idea. It would be ridiculous to think that the quick tempered Dwarf would accept my story. Even in a world filled with Dwarves and Wizards and little hairy midgets, jumping planets or galaxies after death would seem outrageous –I mean, afterlife? It was ridiculous even to me and I was the one it happened to. Ori thought I was loopy from talking to a pony, imagine them finding out I thought I had come back to life after getting hit by a, for lack of a better term, gas powered and electrically motivated metal carriage!

Put in those terms I guess I did sound a bit psychotic.

I must have spent too long thinking over my answer because the next time I looked at Thorin, his eyes were already focussed on me. Those amused eyes from earlier were now calculative and scrutinizing. I decided I needed to act fast so shook my head and offered him a smile that was slightly embarrassed and sad all at once. Thank god for drama classes.

"Only fragments. I get flashes of memories now and then, but they don't make any sense. Other than that, things just seem familiar like I just got a case of déjà vu," I shrugged slightly and avoided his gaze, a trickle of guilt entering my veins.

Thorin didn't say anything for a little while. "You have the oddest way of speaking," he finally commented and I felt my face pale more than it already had from the chilly weather. "You do not speak as any other I have ever encountered on my travels, especially not like any Dwarves. And I have traveled far, I can assure you."

I swallowed nervously and almost didn't want to meet his gaze. Actually I was sure of it, but I knew I had to or it would only confirm his suspicion not to trust me. Slowly I lifted my eyes to meet his and was surprised to find that they weren't filled with hatred or mistrust like I expected them to be. Instead they were curious; guarded, but still inquisitive. At this I released the air I had unknowingly been keeping in my lungs in anticipation. He didn't distrust me, not fully anyway, but somehow that just made me feel even more guilty.

"I've noticed," I replied with a small sheepish smile. "Honestly, I wish I could tell you where I come from." _Well, that's kind of close enough to the truth_. "I don't know why I talk differently from you guys or why I don't act like you." _Lie._ "I wish I could tell you, but I can't." _Truth._ "And to tell you the truth, I'm just as confused about this as you are." _Another truth._

Thorin eyed me for a long while, his blue irises searching my face for any hint of a lie and I tried my damnedest to not let my fear slip onto my face. There's no telling what would happen if Thorin found out I was lying; death maybe. I'd probably want that over seeing his and the rest of the Dwarves' disappointed expressions at being lied to –after all, I was considered a friend and I had lied about something pretty important. Maybe when this was all over I'd tell them, assuming that I lived to see the end that is. Either way they're probably going to hate me.

Finally, the Dwarf King inclined his head in a slightly accepting nod. "Do you have the memory to tell me what day ja voo means then?"

I almost snorted in laughter at his poor attempt at pronouncing the French word, but refrained just in time and smiled instead. Thorin was definitely not the kind of guy you laugh at without getting a limb cut off. "_Déjà vu_," I corrected gently. "It means 'seen again'. It's a feeling someone gets that they've already experienced something when they haven't."

"I see. Do you get this _Deja voo_ often, Miss Poppy?" he asked.

"It's just Poppy. I'm not a lady or anything so you don't have to address me all formally and stuff," I said, ignoring his question for a moment to blush slightly in embarrassment. When he called me miss it made me feel weird and not in a good way. I wasn't used to being treated like a lady back home.

"If you have no memory, then how do you know you are not a lady?" he countered with a raised brow. Was he being cheeky with me?

I quirked a smile at him. "You think a lady would talk the way I do?"

"Fair point."

"Thought so," I laughed. "Anyway no, I don't think I get it that often. Like I said, things just seem familiar and it gives me little flashes of memories that I haven't pieced together yet." Feeling a chill from the gust of wind that suddenly picked up, I curled my stubby legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them to keep them there. I still felt guilty for laying it on so thick, but if I didn't I'd be called out on it. But that didn't lessen the growing hatred I had for myself.

"A puzzle of the most complicated kind," agreed Thorin and I looked over at him, but he didn't look back. His gaze was once again fixed ahead and his stoic frown was set back into place. The friendly Thorin I was beginning to grow fond of more than just by looks was back in his brooding state. Disappointment panged in my chest at the realization and I frowned slightly. Thorin continued without even looking at me, "You should go get some rest while you still have the chance. Dawn will come in less than two hours and it will be a short breakfast before we mount."

I caught the meaning behind his words easily. Had he noticed me almost sleeping on Sir Hoover all those times? Why the hell hadn't I noticed if he had? _Jesus, Poppy, you really do need to start paying attention to shit._

I knew there was no point in arguing with him so with surprisingly little sound I slid off the boulder, nodded to the Dwarf and mumbled a quiet 'nighty night' before silently padding back to my spot between the two toy making cousins. I gave Thorin one last glance before curling up on the cold and soaking wet ground.

Sleep took me a lot faster than I expected it to…

… Only I woke up much too soon again to an even heavier downpour. The pitter-patter we had during the night thanks to the thick tree cover did nothing now to stop the relentless torrential rain. Regardless of the fact that I would be grumpy waking up at such an ungodly hour as it was, the rain just made me all the more miserable and not so happy camper-ish.

Fili, Kili, Bofur and Bifur caught onto this right away as they were the ones to be closest to me when I rolled over with a groan into a muddy puddle of water. The two royal brothers had snickered not so inconspicuously into their hands and I had wasted no time in picking up handfuls of mud and threw them at their pretty little coats. Needless to say they decided to leave Poppy alone after that.

Bifur had said something to me in Khuzdul that I had loosely –with the help of Bofur –translated to 'boys have no respect for women' while giving a shake of his axe-riddled head. I had agreed and sent another glare to said 'boys' as they scowled at me while attempting to scrub the mud from their already soaking wet clothes.

Like Thorin had told me during our midnight discussion, we had a quick breakfast of slightly wet bread and hard jerky before mounting the ponies and heading out for the day. By that time my two cloaks were already soaked through and my clothes beneath were quickly joining the party which did nothing for my sour mood. The rest of the Dwarves looked just as miserable, but most of them had leather layers to their clothing and cloaks and therefore weren't as wet as a few of the others. I had no doubt that by the end of the day Bofur, Bifur, Ori and I would be as wet as rocks at the bottom of a river.

The ponies didn't seem too thrilled by the rain either. Sir Hoover in particular was not very agreeable. His ears were pinned to his head constantly and every time a drop of rain hit his nose, he snorted and shook his head which ended up with me getting sprayed with even more water. This happened every few minutes and I was tempted to just get off the damn animal and walk, but every time the thought came, it was gone immediately after. I'd be no faster or drier on the ground because the mud was thick and had already slowed our ponies to a painfully turtle-like pace. I'd be slipping and sliding all over the place, probably get trampled and drown.

Yeah, I was staying on the pony no matter how much of an asshole he was.

There was little to no talking amongst the rest of the Dwarves except for the random muttered swear in Khuzdul or unintelligible grumble. Actually I don't think I had seen this many disgruntled hairy little men in… well, never, but still. It was amusing yet at the same time almost… sad. Since I had met up with these guys there hadn't been a moment where someone wasn't playing a prank or making a joke or even laughing. I guess there were reasons why Dwarves liked it in their caves instead of going out into the world and weather just happened to be one of them. The other reasons I wasn't quite sure of yet, but I think Elves might have something to do with it too. Not sure why; from my understanding Elves were smaller than Dwarves and worked in Santa's toy shop and they had bells on their shoes and pointy ears. I didn't have the slightest idea why everyone kept mumbling curses and insults about them –to me they were cute.

And more harmless than a baby with a soother and poopless diapers.

But hey, that's just me.

Sighing, my shoulders slumped and I sagged in my saddle in boredom and annoyance as I scanned over the usually rowdy group of Dwarves once again. Almost everyone was in the same unamused state as I was, but there were a few who tried to keep spirits up. Bofur, for one, was attempting to light his pipe and smoke, but the splintering wooden object was soaked from the rain and the tobacco –or whatever he had in there, honestly I didn't want to know –inside just as wet. The match he held in his stubby fingers would be doused mere seconds after being lit as well. Ori was trying to talk to his brothers, his timid voice a low murmur in the heavy downpour, but I could tell his brothers were trying to either ignore him or throwing sarcastic comments back at him until he eventually sulked in his seat. Fili and Kili were flinging water droplets at each other, purposely trying to get the water in each other's eyes and it almost got to the point where they were slapping the edges of their soaked cloaks in the other's face, but that was short lived after a haughty glare from both Dwalin and Gloin.

Eventually we had to start moving in single file on a narrower pathway amongst the trees, but thankfully the mud had turned less thick and easier to move through –it was more puddles than anything else. Still the rain poured, the not so thick tree cover doing little to hinder it and we trudged on in the gloomy weather like we had been all day. Sir Hoover was still being an ass, but he had calmed a bit now because of the easier trail. However, that didn't stop him from flinging water at me in the least.

"Here, Mr. Gandalf, can't you do something about this deluge?" Dori suddenly called, his tone laced with annoyance. I blinked out of my quiet thinking to tune into what was happening and spotted the irritated Dwarf only a few ponies ahead. Although I couldn't see his face, I knew he was probably frowning like everyone else.

The Wizard was at the head of the procession, his obnoxiously tall pointed hat still easy to see through the gloom despite its neutral colour. He held his staff at his side casually as he swayed back and forth with the movement of his horse who seemed almost unperturbed by the rain. Gandalf took a moment before answering and when he did, he just barely turned in his seat –just enough so that his yelled reply could be heard through the torrential downpour.

"It is raining, Master Dwarf," he pointed out and I could have sworn I heard a bit of contempt in his tone. "And it will continue to rain until the rain is done." If I didn't know any better, I would have thought the jolly old geezer was actually annoyed. That seemed almost out of character for him as much as it would be out of character for me to start hissing and growling at anyone who tried to talk to me like Dwalin. "If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another Wizard."

"Are there any?" Bilbo asked, taking the words right out of my mouth. I found it a bit comforting that there was someone else around that was just about as clueless about everything around them as I was.

"What?" Gandalf grumbled, sounding almost like a petulant child.

"Other Wizards," Bilbo clarified.

I strained my ears to listen as my curiosity was piqued. Although this was more of what Kate would be ecstatic to hear about and probably giggle and swoon over, I couldn't deny that I was interested. Back in the real world –or should I just call it Earth now because I've since come to the conclusion that this place is also frighteningly _real_ too? –I couldn't have cared less about anime or warrior princess big tits and so on, so forth. Whenever she got me to watch one of her ridiculous movies, I would almost always either fall asleep or tune out half way through. It's not that I didn't enjoy the break from reality, I just wasn't all that big on movies in the first place –especially ones that made me sit for hours on end and had me confused by the end. Don't get me wrong, I definitely wasn't the type to watch Jersey Shore or anything stupid like that, but I wasn't one to go out of my way to watch the newest and coolest fictional display either.

"There are five of us," Gandalf replied, breaking me out of my thoughts once again with a start. Man, I really needed to stop spacing out like that. "The greatest of our order is Saruman the White. Then there are the two blue Wizards…" He paused briefly. "Do you know, I have quite forgotten their names."

_Yeah well, you _do_ look old enough for Alzheimer's to be knockin' at your door, buddy._

"And who is the fifth?"

"Well, that would be Radagast the Brown." There was a hint of a fond smile in his voice.

Apparently Bilbo's seemingly inborn manners had been squashed in his bad mood from the constant rain because his next question surprised me. "Is he a great Wizard? Or is he more like you?"

I felt my jaw drop and would have taken a page from Cinthia's book and smacked him as a reprimand had I been next to him. I wasn't the nicest person at the best of times, but even to me that was a little rude. Then again, it really wasn't uncalled for; the Wizard had drawn a glowing rune on his door, had fourteen Dwarves trample his home and plunder his pantry and somehow convinced him to join a quest that he wasn't entirely sure he was going to live through. Okay, so yeah, he had a right to be cranky.

_I know how you feel, little hairy man._

Gandalf, too, seemed a tad put out by the Hobbit's remark and even made the effort to twist farther in his saddle to look at Bilbo for a moment, a look of mild shock passing over his wrinkled features, though there was also a hint of amusement. "I think he's a very great Wizard, in his own way," he said with a barely noticeable shrug. "He's a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals to others." _Huh, he sounds like a hippie._ "He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forest lands to the east. And a good thing too. For always evil will look to find a foothold in this world." His tone gradually lowered until he was done speaking and then just like that the conversation seemed to have ended.

I didn't realize just how grateful my bored mind had been for the distraction and I didn't want to go back to moping about the weather. Wracking my brain for something to do, I did the only thing I could think of; which I'm slightly –but not overly so –ashamed to admit was pretty ridiculous.

Looking over at the closest Dwarf to me –who just so happened to be Kili –I called out to him. "Oi, Kili!" I said in a loud whisper so that I didn't disturb the other brooding Dwarves. The raven haired prince turned in his saddle with an inquisitive dark brow raised, but when he caught my gaze his expression turned grim. Evidently he hadn't forgotten about this morning, but in all fairness he and Fili had deserved it and I don't feel the least bit ashamed.

"What?" he asked in the same tone as a few drops of water dribbled off his leather hood and plunked onto his nose. The confused expression on his face suggested he didn't know why we were whispering in the first place, and honestly neither did I, but I digress.

I allowed a slow grin to spread across my lips and in the back of my mind I registered that I probably looked like a chubby kid wearing a devious smirk before it swiped a bit of forbidden icing from a birthday cake. Kili watched me, his expression turning wary, but he was as unwilling to go back to the mundane game of follow the leader as I was.

Haha, perrrrfect.

"Ever play _I Spy_?"


End file.
